January 14, 2012
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Explaining Thursday [part one]
I owe you all an explanation for on my pulses Thursday.
I’d much rather do a vlog, but I can’t find the button for my web cam ever since my laptop was restored.
So I’m not sure if I told you guys yet, but Trey’s switching units.
The unit he was in was going to go to Vietnam, but they told him he wasn’t going to get to go there or Indonesia or anywhere cool because he was switching over to it (it was a medical unit, which would be cool ’cause it’d be less dangerous) and apparently he didn’t have some qualifications, so basically they were like fuck you.
However, he decided to say fuck you back and he switched over to a way cooler unit.
This new unit he’s entering into is an infantry unit (which is what he originally was, he was going to switch to something medical so he’d be safer [for me], but when that fell through, he went back to being infantry).
He’s getting in as a sniper.
His papers are currently going through for it. Wednesday he spent all day out and about doing paperwork and trying to make this happen.Wendesday he went up the street to this army place where a guy was suppose to look over some of his paper work and then he’d be back home. Should’ve only taken like five minutes.
After Trey had been gone for almost an hour, I get a call from him.
He wanted to let me know his unit he’s getting into will be deploying in a few months. As long as his paperwork gets through in time, he’ll be going with them.
As I heard him say this I felt nervous immediately. I was walking in the hallway and braced myself against the rail before I asked anything else.
“Okay.”
“We’ll probably need to postpone the wedding.”
“When would you be deploying?”
“They said in a couple of months, so probably in April.”
*begins to cry quietly*
“Do you know how long you’ll be gone?”
“It’d be somewhere from nine months to a year.”
*begins silently bawling*
“Oh. Where would you be going?”
“Afghanistan.”
“Oh… cool.”
“It’s not a definite thing yet, but if my paperwork goes through in time it’ll happen.”
“Mhmm.”
“I just wanted to tell you and make sure you’d be okay with that if it does happen.”
“Yeah, you got to do what you got to do.”
“Okay. I just hope I won’t be getting any ‘Dear John letters’.” *laughs*
“No! Of course not. Never.”
“Okay, well, I’ll be home soon. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
After getting off the phone with him, I bawled my eyes out so much! Finally, I pulled myself off the floor in the hallway and walked to a mirror. Seeing how puffy, red, and blotchy my face was, I knew I had to pull myself together before he got back.
I cleaned my face up, but everytime I’d start thinking about it I’d begin to cry some more.
I decided to numb myself a little. I took probably 3 shots of rum out of the bottle before Trey got back.
I seemed fine when he got home. He talked about it a little.
“Will you be in a lot of danger?”
“Yeah, unfortunately. It’s a high combat zone, so that means high risk. But I’ll make a lot of money being on active duty for 9-12 months, and since it’s high risk I’ll make even more.”
“I don’t care about the money, you know. I just want you.”
“I know, but you have to admit it’s nice. Like if the worst happens, I have a really good insurance policy. It’s like $400,000 and it’d be divided among you, my Dad, and my Mom. So at least you’d be taken care of.”
(thinking inside my head) *I don’t give a flying fuck about the money! I DON’T CARE. If it comes down to having money or having you, I WANT YOU! I love you. Money won’t mean shit to me!* *tries not to cry*
After having some lunch we went upstairs and each did our own seperate computer thing. I kept wandering off to sneak down to the kitchen to take a chug or two from the bottle of rum to help keep myself numb.
I didn’t appear drunk or intoxicated. Trey said I was acting a little weird, but he didn’t notice really.
“You know, you aren’t allowed to get hurt over there. I forbid it.”
*laughs* “Okay.”
This is part one, I’ll write part two later… trust me it gets A LOT worse. If you comment on this, I’ll tag you at the bottom of the second part so you can be sure to see the rest, if you want.
Part two can be found here.
Comments (6)
:/ I knew it was bad by your pulses. Sigh. It sucks. I haven’t been with anyone in the military, but my family’s military history is impressive. I was going to join the Navy right our of high school, but Corban kind of begged me not to. I didn’t. My ultimate goal in life is the FBI which means police officer first. In the state I live in, we’ve had more officer deaths in the past year than ever before. Traffic stops, domestic calls… an officer gets killed. Corban… really isn’t okay with my career goals, but he knows it’s my whole life… I’ve worked my whole life to get there. I’m not telling you this to say, “Oh, well, it’s not that bad” I’m telling you this because while, no, I won’t be going overseas in the military, in my relationship, I am on the side that Trey is on. And having Corban say, “Oh… an officer died back home” and me say, “Yeah… can’t wait until I can go help them because I love those guys” it hurts. I mean, I am so excited for this and his voice just shakes a bit. You don’t have to be the strong girl, either. Cry. tell him how you feel. Explain, “Hey… I’m not telling you that you’re not allowed to go…” and just explain. And, Reilly, on a more personal level… talk to us on here because it’ll be hard and your past… thoughts/actions might start to flood back in. But, if you ask for help, you’ll get it. I promise. Even if it’s just from me. But you have a support system here. It’s hard. I know. I have dealt with close family I love being gone and in danger. It fucking sucks. But you can get through it. He loves you. You love him. If it makes you feel better, talk to him about a small wedding before he leaves and then when he gets back, you can have a big reception with everybody. I don’t know. Either way… you’re strong. You can do it even if you feel like you can’t.
A shot or two CAN be good to calm down.. except if you’re emotional like that it will just make things so much worse – I hate that you had to figure that out.
&with everything.. what’s meant to be is meant to be. You two love each other so you CAN make it work just like so many other military couples have. Look at it this way – you guys are dealing with something SUPER difficult emotionally & mentally right now, but you’re getting the hard stuff out of the way in the beginning of your relationship. If you two can get through this you can get through anything else life throws your eay. <3
Sry to hear about this! I knew it was something that seemed to be ripping you apart in your heart at the time.
I’m sorry hun <3 My hubby is a gunner, deploying soon. I’m worried as hell but have faith that he’ll come back home. If it helps you feel ANY better, a friend’s hubby is a Marine sniper, has been deployed several times, and he said they are very well protected and it’s not as dangerous as it was years ago. Hope that gives you some peace of mind, but I know it won’t that much <3 Stay strong girl.
Know that he will be in my prayers for safety, every day he is away from you.
i can’t believe we’re still sending troops to Afghan even though we’re pulling troops back from Iraq.
Some part of Afghan is ok, peaceful. However, he’s a sniper ….. at least he’s shooting people from afar, instead of up close.
Not sure if Trey believe in God, but that’s the most important thing right now.
And I am sure you’ll be praying for him daily; he’s in God’s hands.
PS I am surprised that you can take all those rum in.