January 14, 2012
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Explaining Thursday [part two]
So, continuing on from my last post about what happened Thursday….
Trey’s Dad had cooked up some stir fry stuff for dinner, so I sat down with Trey to eat, but I wasn’t all that hungry so really, I just played with the peas and pieces of onion and stirred it around. After eating, Josh came over to help Trey adjust some game on his computer or some shit like that and I just kind of floated around.
At first I was hanging up in Trey’s room with them, but that got boring, so I went down stairs.
Trey’s Mom and Dad were watching tv in the living room so I chilled with them for a bit.
His Mom got up to do some random stuff and I just stayed in there and kind of talked with Trey’s Dad.I commened how I didn’t like the idea of Trey going away and being in danger for that long, but unlike his Mom, I wasn’t going to be all loud and negative about it. [She had made some rude, angry comment about him coming back in a coffin. *rolls eyes*] Anyways… I told his Dad how I had talked to Trey about possibly getting married before he shipped out. Just a simple courthouse wedding and then having a ceremony when he got back. {A wonderful suggestion by the lovely @grizzlybearr, who was a wonderful friend when I needed one Thursday morning. Thank you <3}
He said, “That’s not a good idea. When Trey gets back you might not want to get married anymore.”
“That’s not going to happen. I love Trey with all my heart. I know I want him and nothings going to change that.”
“That’s not what I mean. Stuff like this will change Trey, and when he gets back he might not want you anymore.”
*Drunk/emotionally unstable girls heart completely breaks!*
>inserts epic sad face here<
My eyes began to water so he asked what was wrong. I told him I didn’t like what he was saying and he said it was just the truth. So I left the rooming saying I was going to go hug my man.
On the way up the stairs, I lost it. I began bawling my eyes out.
I ran into Trey’s room and crawled into his lap. He kept beginning me to tell him what had happened or what was wrong, but I was crying to hard.
Josh- probably feeling awkward as ever- excused himself saying he was going to go wait outside. [He ended up leaving.]
I finally muttered out “Your Dad said when you get back, you won’t want to be with me anymore!” He got angry and told me to lie down on the bed and then he went down stairs and started yelling at his Dad. I couldn’t hear what he was saying though, because I was hyperventilating from crying so hard…. I’m talking sobbing! It was bad.
When he came back he said that wasn’t what his Dad said and I insisted it was. He said he didn’t mean it like that and I told him it’s exactly what he said. In my emotional/drunk state I got upset that Trey wasn’t believing me and stormed downstairs to go walk outside. He ran behind me and when I got to the door he wouldn’t let me open it. I collapsed to the floor, bawling my eyes out.
After he calmed me down and we talked some, I was a little better. He told me to come to the kitchen and he’d make me some tea to help calm me. After making some tea for both of us and sitting there, I was good. I’d stopped blubbering and actually was laughing a little. I wound up falling off my chair and lying in the floor for a minute. When Trey asked why I was lying there I didn’t respond… I was almost asleep.
After saying my name a few times, and my not responding, he poured water on my face. I responded! Lol. Once I got up I was leaning against him and almost fell over. He asked if I’d been drinking and I asked if he’d be mad at me. He said no and I said a little.
>I’d drank probably 60-65% of a 375ml bottle of rum and then had like 3-4 swigs out of a root beer flavored smirnoff thing.<
He wasn’t happy and I felt bad immediately. I wanted to confess to him earlier but I didn’t know how to say it and I didn’t want him to be unhappy with me.
He wasn’t mad at me, it was worse. He was disappointed in me
He poured out the rest of the alcohol in the house which made me feel terrible because it said he didn’t trust me not to have a repeat of this, although I promised I wouldn’t do this again.
I told him how I had used it to numb myself and I knew it wasn’t the proper way to handle the situation and I apologized well over a hundred times.
After an hour or so, I wound up in the bathroom. I puked a little and then he hung out with me in there for a while, making me drink water and making sure I kept it down. After I’d kept the water down for a while and my stomach was feeling a little better he gave me vitamins and advil.
I feel horrible about how I handled things, and I made sure he knew that. I talked with him about how I felt and everything and for the most part things are fine now. I still feel terrible about it. He shouldn’t have to put up with that.
I also took him out to ihop the next morning to try to make it up to him. He says it’s fine and not to worry about it, but I’m still going to try to make it up to him. I got a lot of sucking up to do.
I know I fucked up and I have to fix it now. Trying to hide my emotions from Trey and acting strong isn’t the right way to handle things. Trying to numb it with alcohol is an even worse way to handle it. :/
Lesson learned.
(So far, @skinnyme_prettyme is the only one who’s commented. So I’m tagging her so she can see the second half.)
Comments (10)
I love you. <3
I’m sorry all this is happening.
I think if the both of you are really close, he probably really does understand why you were drinking. I am glad he went and poured out the rest of of the alchohol though, it was the best thing for the both of you. I think (in your previous post) you were trying to sounds strong for him on the phone, but I see no reason why you couldn’t tell him that you are sad, afraid, ect but also know this is the right thing for him to do for him.. and it is hard and it sucks, but it is the life both of you have chosen to be in with one another.
It is hard sometime for us to work through all of our own emotions, because we are use to sometimes protecting others and protecting our self, but that protecting usually ends up gnawing at us, eating away little parts of our souls. Sometime, though it is harder, it is the right thing to do to won up and express out feelings, instead of hiding them and trying to stuff them deep down.
Of course, I say this because it is the right thing and not because it is the easy thing. It is so very very hard and tough.
My husband and I got married before he deployed even though we had intentions to wait quite awhile being engaged. Being in a relationship with a soldier, this is what you face and there is no way to prepare yourself for a deployment. My husband went to Afghanistan for 9 months, yes it’s dangerous but you have to trust he knows what he is doing, and the more you think about him not coming back the worse it will be. I’ve been dealing with the Army bs for 2 years now, so feel free to message me any time with anything you might want or need to know:) Believe me, I was a complete mess when it came to facing a deplyment as well. Don’t listen to anyone who says anything negative about you guys getting married or not being together when he comes back because if they haven’t been through it they don’t know shit.
you’re more than welcome. i am here anytime and if you don’t have my number you need to get it!
i know this is hard but it is ok to feel every emotion that you’re feeling. i really like what @MySoldier_MyWorld wrote and i do suggest teaming up with some military wives/significant others who have been through this so that they can help you through it. the drinking may have been a bad idea but it’s over now, nothing can be done about it so don’t dwell on disappointing him. i’m sure he does understand why you did it. if you need to vent i’m here.
alcohol is never the solution. it’s just a temp. escape from the real issue. The real issue won’t go away either.
In a relationship, both parties need to work together to face the problems together, because together, you’re stronger than being apart (if not, that’s another issue).
Trey is much more mature in this scenerio; he’s the one who has to go there. Since he might be going out in a couple of months, enjoy the time that you have together.
Question, why the rush to get married? His dad says “might” but you hear it as “will”, but even though i don’t agree with his dad, but just curious why the rush? I hope you’re not just staking a claim.
I think you learned a lot about yourself with this episode. I believe you that it won’t happen again. I believe you’ll find a way to communicate and to be more constructive with your emotions. And I believe this because I have seen such growth in you, and I know you have the capacity to do better. Good luck with it all, Reilly.
I was married to someone in the military. It’s always going to be hard, but if your relationship is strong and you have communication (and trust) I think you’ll be fine.
I belonged to a few military spouses groups online. They were very supportive and knew things that I would have never even thought to look into. They might be helpful for you as well
Good luck!
trey’s dad is being realistic and combat will change a person most of the time for the worst. you just have to be prepared for it. talk to trey about it and come up with plans to stay in touch and to continue the relationship. he needs you as much as you need him. i cannot tell you what the army will do or say cuz it will change from day to day. drinking or doing other stupid things won’t help you. it won’t even numb you. surround urself with ur true friends and family cuz they will be there for you. consider talking to your pastor at your church. it will all help. i know it is hard but have faith and be strong.
Nope, never, never hide your emotions from your best friend ever. It was most likely a life lesson you had the other night. I think it’d be okay to get married before he goes off. He will love you, though he may go through combat stress and you’ll have to work that through, together.