August 15, 2012
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Man. MY life is a mess.
He’s tired of trying.He’s family hates me/sdoesn’t trust me.Thye think I took some of his dad’s deugs. i didn’t.Now I’m falling into depression and I drank maybe 4-5 oz. of vodkaand i told him that so he’s pissed.iit’s hard to typeI’m tispy or drunk.i just want things to go back to how they were.he won’t answer me.i won’t want to rewnd the clock and take back all of my mistakes.i wanna be loved. i want my family to care.my moom nows I’m misbehaving/ beingning and purging and she doesn’t care.She’s seen it and she still dones’t care . as long asit doesn’t cos her anything.i jist wish he/d answerhe won’t wanswer/ this is just another fuck up.like all the time i p/b without tlling or admitting to it.Now I’m stck. he think’s ivve fxd it, my mom thinks I’m fixed. no she’s in denial she knows the trth.he says he’s gone to bed but i know he’s hearing his phone and not anserng.I just texted him treatin’ to drive there but I know I won’t.i keep having to backspace cause I keep issing jup.
i’m hoping my threat will get some respnse.my mom knows. she doesn’t care, she doesn’t try to stp it or get me help. it’s oh well as long as she doesn’t know then it’s no cost to her.fuuuuuuccccccccccccccckkkkk
Comments (9)
Everyone wants to be loved, it’s a natural desire. And many of us struggle to find that in life, and even suffer less than fulfilling relationships to fill the void. Look, I know it sounds like new age crap, but I wouldn’t preach it if I hadn’t been there. Go back through my blog- start in 2005. You’ll see.
What you need to realize is that the love comes from inside you. And once you love & respect yourself, others will love & respect you too. As for those who still don’t? Well it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that you don’t fucking need them. There are plenty of people who will love you. I promise. It’s hard to make a change- but such a great pay off.
Sending love your way. Cheer up. It gets better. It always does.
Oh, honey. I am so sad to read this. Push harder to get the help you deserve. I am worried about you. Please talk to me literally anytime. I love you.
*hugs* Please get help. You can’t have a healthy relationship with others until you have a healthy relationship with yourself. I know you can do it! Love you
Some days, it just really helps to pull yourself aside and show youreslf some love <3
I agree with the ladies above, you got to love and respect yourself, before you become lovable by others. From time to time, we might need a hand to hold and support, but you need to stop the destructive behavior because it’s pushing people away. The drinking, the drugs, the b/p, etc., is not helping others to love you anymore.
Don’t wait for the knight in shinny armor to show up; you got to pick yourself up, and make some goals for yourself. You grew up at church all your life, but I think it’s time for you to meet God and ask Him for help, before you sink any lower. He’s looking to be your last resort at this point.
You don’t want to continue travel down this dark and sad path.
be strong. life is not a bed of roses all the time. remember that you are stronger. stay focused on yourself and the things/goals you have to work on. almost everything else is noise. leave a message if you need to vent or someone to talk to.
Don’t give up, girl. You’re a fighter and you’re meant to win this. <3
Shit darling. I am so sorry. At least you have us to turn to? Things will look up one way or the other – you are strong and will continue to be so no matter who sticks around or decides to take a supportive role in your life. Also… Please don’t drink too much if you’re already feeling low. I know I’m not one to talk about substance abuse/ numbing to cope with rough times – I just don’t want to see you go down the road I did from 18-22ish Chin up! Love and hugs and positive vibes!