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  • Bullets (and a pic!)

    Holy cow, I’ve been busy recently. 

    • Taking sixteen hours at school right now. 
      It’s been going good. Physics is hard still, but it’s making a little more sense.. possibly lol. 
    • Working “part”-time.
      My last post I mentioned that I got a job at Stein Mart.
      I thought I was going to be a weekend worker, but I guess not.
      I circled less than 20 hours on my app (So I was thinking you know, working two days a week…)
      This week I ended up going 28 hours! Oy… I just keep telling myself it’s good money.
    • I‘m still working out with the ROTC guys on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
      It’s going good. I can tell my endurance is getting better :)
    • And I still work out with Trey at the gym on Tuesday and Thursday mornings.
      We’re doing it for longer now.
      I’m working with weights, and I can now bench press 90 lbs! (Keep in mind I’m like 110 lb., so the goal is to be able to bench press my weight one day) and I can do 30 lb. weight curls.
      Oh, and Thursday, some random guy in the gym told me my push ups were REALLY IMPRESSIVE!
      Cause I do regular push ups, not girl push ups; plus, I have REALLY good form. :)  
      && He’s teaching me how to wrestle, and I’m getting pretty good. 
      I still haven’t beat him yet, but I got really close Thursday and he said he’s going to have to go full force on me now. Lol
    • I’m super exhausted and sleep deprived! Due to the busy schedule, having lots of homework, and trying to see Trey some (which sadly has decreased a lot now that I’m working  ), I am not getting as much sleep as I need. 
      I unfortunately am one of those people who need 8-9 hours of sleep. Now I’m getting 5 hours a lot of nights. 
      Plus, I think the celexa (an anti-depressant I’m on for anxiety) makes me sleepier. I noticed when I went from 20mg to 40mg I seemed to nap a lot more (when I used to be able to) and still sleep more in the nights. When I have time I’m going to try to ask my doctor about it. 
    • There’s a 12-hour sale today and it should be kind of hectic. I’m working from 10am-7pm. If someone calls in and I have to close, I will probably cry. (My second day, I had to work by myself because the person who was supposed to work with my didn’t take care of their mouth after getting their wisdom teeth our and they had dry-sockets.)
    • Oh, and the VA is fucking Trey over. He hasn’t seen a dime of his G.I.Bill money, so they owe him $2,100 as of now and they’re so backed up thanks to Military funding cuts {Thanks Obama… & no one get political on my blog, I’m not in the mood for it}so there’s no idea when he’ll get paid. And Tuition Assistance fucked something up on his paper work, had him fix it, then wait until it was “too late” for him to receive the fundings for some of his classes… so now they say they’ll only cover two of his classes and he should be thankful they’re even doing that. Even though it was their mistake and tardiness that caused him to not have all his classes covered as they should be! He is paying for school all by himself. His parents are not paying a cent of it. He is a veteran, and currently not receiving his promised benefits, and now TA is fucking him around too. He’s pissed, and I’m sad and angry for him. 
    So that’s what’s going on with me. I should probably start getting ready for work in a few, so I’ll end it here… 
    Oh, and yeah… that’s what happens when it slows down on a Tuesday night at work…. I look like a rooster on crack…

  • That awkward moment…

    …when your Dad walks by while you’re doing a video, and thinks you’re talking to your laptop.

     

    So I had my first day of work/training today for SteinMart! It went really well. I’m catching on and I like the people I work with. I was slightly concerned about the dress code because it’s business casual, but I got some new pants (cause all I had before was jeans, and that’s a no go) and some new tops.

    I looked really cute :) I wanted to show Trey, but I let him borrow my camera so I decided to just take a web-cam video of my outfit. So I went to make the video…

     

    and my Dad walked by and looked at me like I was crazy because he thought I was just talking to my laptop :P

    It added a little awkward/humor to the video lol.

    Yeah, I’m always really embarrassed when someone walks by when I’m doing a video

  • Stolen from Allison :)

    I’m stealing this from @hopethatitglows :P

    Dooo itt!
    Oh, and like Allison did, if you want you can comment telling me which one you want me to answer as well as answering the question yourself ;)

  • If I were…

    If I were a month I would be May- warm, friendly, welcoming
     
    If I were a day of the week I would be Friday- making people happy and excited
     
    If I were a time of the day I would be about 7:00am—fresh, renewed, calm
     
    If I were a planet I would be Jupiter—Pluto. Because sometimes I feel like people don’t care about me, but I know I’m still there and there are still people who love me :P
     
    If I were a sea animal I would be a dolphin- friendly, intelligent, graceful (psh, I’m not graceful but still)
     
    If I were a direction I would be east- because I lean to the right (conservative :P ) and I like being up early and that’s where the sun rises
     
    If I were a piece of furniture I would be a night lamp- brightening up things when it was needed
     
    If I were a liquid I would be coffee- amazing, energetic, and warm
     
    If I were a tool, I would be a power drill- cause I can spin (and flip) around a while without getting dizzy :P
     
    If I were a flower I would be a sun flower- cause they’re sweet and they make me smile
     
    If I were a type of weather I would be a thunderstorm- because it’s loud and makes perfect cuddling weather :)
     
    If I were a musical instrument I would be the drum- loud and energetic
     
    If I were a color I would be periwinkle- because it’s pretty and calming
     
    If I were an emotion I would be enthusiasm- is that an emotion? oh well, it’s just hyper and energetic and spazzy :D
     
    If I were a fruit I would be a blueberry- because they’re awesome (and apparently they’re supposed to be an anti-inflammitory, which is awesome!)
     
    If I were a sound I would be a purr- soft and content
     
    If I were an element I would be a teddy bear- there to make people smile and there to hug when needed
     
    If I were a car I would be a Mitsubishi Lancer ES- because that was my car I totalled, and it was amazing.. before it became a tree hugger (literally)
     
    If I were a type of food I would be Sriracha- SPICY :P
     
    If I were a material I would be something soft, fuzzies, colorful, and warm- like a blankie :)
     
    If I were a scent I would be the coffee- delicious, energizing, and warming
     
    If I were an animal I would be a cheetah- because they’re fast and fearless
     
    If I were an object I would be a picture frame- because they hold beautiful memories :)
     
    If I were a body part I would be the eyes- because they reveal so much about a person
     
    If I were a facial expression I would be this….
    because it’s silly and weird… like me! lol
     
    If I were a pair of shoes I would be a pair of tennis shoes- comfortable and able to endure a lot
     
     

  • Lots of good news! :)

    I swear, I must’ve been a cat in a past life. I’ve gotten to the point where most days I’ll nap. (Of course, I’ve been busy this week so I haven’t been able to as much, but like today.. I napped for three hours (1pm-4pm) and only woke up because I got a phone call… would’ve gone back to sleep but Trey and his parents were swinging by to pick me up so I had to get up. 

    Anyways, I wanna catch you up on some of what’s been going on with me. 
    • I finally got better! I had a horrible cough/sore throat for like 10 days and it SUCKED! Thank Jesus it finally cleared up. 
    • I mentioned before how Wednesday (September 26th) I messed around with the ROTC guys at the gym and worked out with them a little and thought I might do it some more.  Their next meeting/work out was that Friday (a week ago) but I decided to take it easy since my cough was really bad and running made all that mucus and bullshit in my lungs move and breathing became harder. That Monday I was going to join them but it turns out they weren’t in the gym, they were at the soccer field. This Wednesday I went out and work out with them and it was really good! Sprints kicked my butt though {I’m good at long distance or short speed, but when it comes to sprinting 7 sets of 200 meter sprints and doing squats and push ups between sets, I got owned lol} Today they were in the gym and I actually convinced Joy to come with  (she died! lol, poor Joy) and we did a little bit of exercise indoors then we went on a run, probably 2 1/2 – 3 miles outside. It was good (HILLS SUCKED THOUGH!) I definitely think I’ll keep working with them.
    • Tuesday was mine and Trey’s one year anniversary!  It’s crazy how much we’ve been through, but I saw a picture on pinterest that fits us 100% …We have gone through A LOT! I do think all this stuff has made us stronger. I believe we’ll make it.
    • That Tuesday, I also got a call (but I missed it by a few minutes and the chick was already gone when I called back) from SteinMart about my application. Joy works there and got me an application and said it’s pretty chill and everything and I have been needing to get something other than just the nursery so I gave it a shot. I had an interview for Wednesday at 3:00 and it went really well! She said she’d call me later about scheduling me to train. She did that today.. actually during civ 2 but oh well lol. I walked out to take it, and I start Wednesday at 3pm to train, then Friday should be my first official day! :) I’ll be a cashier and sometimes customer service at SteinMart.
    • Speaking of civ. 2… our midterm was last Friday (which was so not the middle of the term but oh well :P ) and I got a 93!!! Bam! Trey got a 100! :D {I picked a smart one lol}
    • School’s been keeping me pretty busy. All my classes are going good.. well, physics is kicking my ass. God, I do not like physics. My first psychology exam I got a 92.. my second one is coming up on Tuesday. I also had my first computer literacy test on Thursday, it seemed pretty easy so I should do good on that. Only thing that sucks is the professor is really slow with grading. I had my ethical analysis (which is a test for speech) today and I think I did well. I finished my volunteering hours but if I can fit it into my schedule I’m going to try to go on Tuesday anyways to help out. It was fun. 
    • All in all I’ve been doing pretty good. I’m doing better with eating; back on track and everything. Things with me and Trey are great. Schools been going good. Moods been pretty good. I’m happy with life right now :)

  • Li’l update.. possible future change?

    I’m sick. I think I have a sinus infection. It sucks and I’m about to cough my lungs out. Bleh.

    School’s keeping me busy.
    I should go to bed soon. I’ve been so exhausted. I don’t know if it has anything to do with my celexa, but the last like two months I’ve been so exhausted. I get like 6-7 hours of sleep a night and then I can nap for two hours and still be tired when it’s time to go to bed… (and no, I don’t always nap two hours a day… but a lot of the time I end up crashing for an hour… I can’t help it).
    This morning at the gym I was about to leave after doing sprints when I saw the ROTC people doing the crab walk thingy as a race halfway down the court and the back and it looked fun. I did it on the second floor/track part and the lieutenant saw me and was like “If you’re going to do it why don’t you at least come down here” so I made Joy go with me but she bailed and “falcon-ed” as they call it.. which means she let her partner down lol. I ended up working out with them for a bit. I did good, except for the sprinting aspects because that made the shit in my lungs all aggravated and I’d start coughing a lot when I stopped. 

    They invited me (and Joy) to come work out with them Friday from 6:30-7:30am. I think I’m going to do it. There’s no obligation, I just have to sign some sort of waiver saying they aren’t reliable if I get hurt somehow. They’ll probably try talking me into joining as I go, but who knows. I gave thought to the National Guard back in the beginning of 2011. Only problem then was I was still underweight. Now I’m a healthy weight… who knows. Trey’s been talking about it with me some and it doesn’t sound too bad. 
    It’s a possibility. 
    Anyways, I’m getting up at 5am, so I need to hit the hay… Later :P

  • Prayer request

    I can’t discuss the story for the need of prayer requests, but if you can pray for me this morning, or send good vibes my own, I’d really appreciate it.

  • facebook lolz *pic*

    [These two just broke up (again)... it's a long distance relationship and I guess to put it simply, she is kind of promiscuous, but doesn't want to go all the way and he, well, he's a man whore.]
    Definitely a reason I’d be careful what I said on statuses… especially my recently made ex-boyfriends statuses…

  • I wanna try it

    I’m thinking about seeing an hypnotist. Trey has psychology this year (just a different class) and they were talking about how traumatic experiences can burying themselves down deep in the psychy (sp?) and wreck havoc later on in the person life. 

    It’s definitely save to say I’ve been through some trauma. 
    I don’t know what happened when I was little, but I’m sure something did related to guilt, because I am so easily guilted… Think I’m exaggerating… check out this.
    Yeah, that’s extreme. 
    And then I became anorexic when I was 14 as I was starting to date an 18 year old who convince/manipulated/forced me to do sexual stuff I wasn’t ready for nor did I want. However, part of what made it easy about me is that he discovered the guilt thing and used it against me… and filled my head with lies. 
    After that I continued with my eating disorder and started cutting myself at 15. 
    I had suicidal thoughts until I was 18, which is when I pretty much recovered, only to be continued to by a spiral down which included a relapse and 2 suicide attempts this last summer. (May 24th, minor in my opinion) and July 14th (Way major, almost succeeded). Oh, then I got wasted and drove drunk until Trey came over which consisted of a psychotic episode…
    I’m doing better with eating, but I still have bouts of depression and anxiety. Oh and I’m now on 40mgs of celexa. 
    When Trey mentioned the hypnosis he made a comment about maybe even getting me where I’d eat chocolate again. (I refuse to eat it.No for eating disorder reasons. For reasons related to the sexually abusive ex.. long hard story). That scares the crap out of me. I promised myself never again. I don’t wanna. It makes me wanna cry… I don’t know if the hypnosis would cure that but still….
    And I just want to be normal. Pretty much all aspects about my life, have been abnormal. My school, my health/eating disorder ( in the fact that normal people don’t have them), my relationship experience, my guilt factor, just a lot. I don’t know if hypnosis works but I’d be willing to try. I’m tired of abnormalities. 

  • Pictures!

    Had a pretty good day. Yesterday sucked balls, but I survived. Honestly,  I wanted to grab Trey’s beretta and shoot myself in the head, but I was a good girl and even told Trey at one point that I was in a good place mentally, which was really hard because  I know I already put a long of stress on him, and I don’t want to make the load any heavier. 

    Within the last hour, I’ve been chilling, and I decided to doodle.
    Ehh, too bold.
     close up…
    this one’s better. 
    And an anchor because I refuse to sink. I’m going to survive. 
    :D
    Trey took this back in February when I passed out studying in the day :P
    And this was like, within the last month… I was watching tv with him and just died lol.
    And this is the bunny I’m trying to convince my Mom to let me get! I already named him Bugs :)
    True dat.
    :D