December 15, 2011

• Faking strong

  Mini update!

  Tuesday was my first official day of Christmas break! Not to mention the only real day of break I have since starting yesterday I’ll be doubling my time at work until school starts again, but oh well. Back on topic.

  Josh, Trey’s best friend, came over around eleven to help him bottle his brew -side note: Trey knows how to and really enjoys brewing beer… he’s German , anyways- and after that we headed up to the base so he could fill his truck up at the gas station up there and so he could get his hair cut.
  Right before he went in for his hair cut, his phone rang. It was someone from his unit calling about the summer. It wasn’t hard for me to figure out what was going on even just through the one side of the conversation I could here….

  Trey is most likely going to Vietnam this summer…

  He’s stoked about it.
  I, on the other hand, am not quiet as excited.

  Apparently it’s some sort of joint mission with the navy. Allegedly a 60 day mission, but then again, Trey’s told me on different occasions that they always underestimate missions and people wind up being on them a lot longer than planned.

  I had to sit there the whole time he was getting his car cut and force the tears from flowing over.

  He’s so excited. I can’t let him know I’m not, I don’t want him to know… that I’m scared.

  I texted my Mom and told her and told her I was scared for him and she replied “duh”… thanks Mom. She also said, “That’s just part of being with someone who’s in the military”. Once again… Not helpful.

  <We’ll still be getting married, but most likely postponing the honey moon, by the way.>

  I realize this kind of stuff comes with being engaged (and at that point, married) to someone in the military. Duh! I’m not ignorant. It still doesn’t make it any easier. He has my heart completely. 100%.

  If something were to happen to him… I can’t even think that.

  Honestly, I’d almost hope my parents would lock me up in a mental institute if something like that were to happen, because I know I couldn’t handle it.

  He’s my world- my everything. I love him more than anything.

  The way he makes me laugh…

  The way he holds me..

  He respects me and my boundaries and would never do anything to ever push himself on me. My being comfortable is a big priority to him.

  He tells me I’m beautiful and that I’m perfect just the way I am.

  He loves me unconditionally.

  He makes me feel beautiful, even when I’m not wearing any make up.

  He’s unlike any guy I ever even imagined existed.

  He doesn’t judge me for my past nor present.

  He knows my scars and how they got there, and he doesn’t care. All that matters to him is that he’s there to make sure I never feel the need to create another one on myself ever again.

  Waking up in his arms and getting to just stare into his eyes in the morning is the best thing in the world.

  Falling asleep in his arms, embraced by his warmth and love… it’s incredible.

  I guess it’ll just be one of those “you don’t know how strong you are, until you have no other choice than to be strong” moments.

  • 3:35 pm
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