May 12, 2013

• 16 facts.. as requested by Lexie!

  I was tagged by Lexie (aka @listenslikespring) to post 16 random facts about myself… so I figured why not

  1. Apparently I might be bi-polar (type 2). After watching Girl Interrupted, I thought I might have Borderline Personality Disorder. Trey’s commented before that he thinks I might be Manic Depressive (which is another name for bipolar). I looked both of them up and they’re sort of similar. Anyways, my new counselor thinks I might be and she wants someone else to examine me to get a second opinion. She mentioned medication. We’ll see. 

  2. I’m a people pleaser. Apparently, that can be good and bad. Bad because it sometimes means an underlining feeling of inadequacy and low self-worth. As my counselor said, subconsciously, you do everything you can so people will be happy and like/love you because you feel like just being yourself isn’t enough. Or if I do all these special things and make everything perfect for someone, there’s no way they can’t love me. 
  That might be partially it, but I think it’s also just that making people happy and putting smiles on their faces makes me feel happy and good. I like to little special things for people and surprising them. 

  3. I regret not trying to convincing Trey to elope with me January of 2012. We’d been engage for a few months and there was talk of him being deployed that March (when the wedding was still planned for May). I think we were still waiting to hear if it was official and then we’d probably try to set a date before he left (despite his parents thinking/acting like I was a gold digger). Then the deployment fell through and he (more so his parents actually) decided to postpone the wedding anyways. “Until we’re more financially steady.” I jokingly made a comment about it once in January, but I should have suggested it seriously. 

  4. I absolutely detest cigarettes! I’m pretty sure I’d be more pissed to find out Trey was smoking than to find out he did drugs (neither of which he ever would do because he doesn’t like them and he’s in the army and can’t).

  5. I hate chocolate. Refuse to eat it and don’t even want to be around it if it smells strongly (like when someone bakes brownies or chocolate cake and it fills the house, ugh).

  6. My self-esteem has been so long in the past that I’ve considered being a stripper or show-girl of some sort. This was back in the really bad times, after I’d gotten out of my relationship with Richard (the abusive-ex). I basically believed all I was good for was my body and nothing else. I didn’t believe I was worth anything and I didn’t believe I was smart or capable of making anything of my life, so I figured if it came down to it that could be what I did for a living. 

  7. I have two tattoos. One on my left wrist and one on my left shoulder blade. The wrist is an eating disorder recovery symbol and the shoulder blade says “Tomorrow Never Comes”. Most people don’t understand either because they aren’t familiar with either. I’ve only come across one person who recognized and identified the recovery symbol. As for the shoulder blade, they don’t understand the meaning. Basically, it means if you keep putting recovery or whatever you’re trying to achieve off til tomorrow it’s never going to happen. There is no tomorrow. It only happens when you decide to start today. 

  8. If I get another tattoo, it’ll probably be on my ribs (the left side… I don’t know why I seem to prefer the left lol). I was thinking about getting “Integrity” there, but ended up getting the shoulder blade tattoo with “Tomorrow Never Comes”. Maybe one day I will get one of the ribs (though I don’t know if it’ll be “Integrity”), if I do I’m sure it’ll hurt lol. We’ll see.

  9. A lot of the time, my thoughts are rapid. I think that’s why I talk so much. I talk a lot! Too much. I just think a lot.. and I feel the need, for some reason, to voice those thoughts. They judge around from idea to idea and babble on about unimportant things. Trey’s learned how to tune it out sometimes, which just means I have to make sure he’s really paying attention when I tell him stuff that’s important. 

  10. I used to want a dog, but after living with Trey and his family (his Mom has three big dogs and his sis now has a little dog), I never want to ever have a dog. Nor live around dogs. They bark constantly at nothing (especially in the night), the shed like crazy, they’re annoying and constantly beg for your food, they get into everything and make messes, and they just get on my nerves big time! Nope, never having a dog.. ever. A cat, maybe. But never a dog. (And yes, I have a cat with Trey for a while at the apartment and I loved him. Then his roommate let him out while he was high and Trey was out of town (meaning I was at my house). So I do have experience with cats. 

  11. I love bananas and watermelon. I eat a banana with my cereal pretty much every morning. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t… And buy me a whole watermelon and I can go through it in 1-2 days xp. I like most other fruits too. Fruit’s yummy

  12. I’m very hard-headed. One day, I ran eight miles straight (actually, it was in a circle around a track xp) in an hour and fifteen minutes, just to prove Trey wrong. Yep, I was proud of myself! xp LOL

  13. I don’t really have any friends… I don’t know why. I guess I’m kind of a weird, awkward person? I don’t know. I have friends on here.. I just don’t really have any in real life.

  14. Sometimes, I get really antsy. It’s like super anxious and filled with energy. If I go run, it sometimes helps. Bouncing my leg while sitting helps a little, or just spazzing/shaking my hands/arms around helps some. It just feels like I’m a carbonated drink and someone shook the Hell out of me. It happens randomly and I can’t control it sometimes. 

  15. I don’t like secrets. I’m a nose-y person. I want to know everything, even though sometimes that hurts more. I like knowing everything that’s going on, but especially with those I love. Part of it’s being nose-y, and the other part is I like knowing they’re okay.. that way I know if I should worry or not. 

  16. I’ve gone from feeling depressed this morning for no reason, to being in a better mood but stressed, to being calmer, to being enraged, to having a blast, to feeling a little sad, then becoming more neutral/emotion less, then being excited, and now feeling sad again. Is this normal? Cause a lot of the time, this is a typical day for me. As Trey puts it sometimes, I’m a roller-coaster. I worry that one day, everyone in my life is going to want off the ride. Because roller-coasters and rides are fun for a little bit, but after a while, you’re tired and you’ve lost interest. 
  The fair’s fun, but there’s a reason it only comes around once a year… there’s only so much a person can handle. :/

  • 12:30 am
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