Month: June 2013

  • Survey stolen from @msfatale

    • 1.Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? That was my Mom… so HELL NO.
    • 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Once again, Hell NO!
    • 3. Have you taken someones virginity? Nope
    • 4. Is trust a big issue for you? Hmm, it depends. I’m pretty trusting, unless you give me reasons not to trust.
    • 5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? Not in the last month sadly :(
    • 6. What are you excited for? Trey getting back from Germany tomorrow!!
    • 7. What happened tonight? Well, it’s not night yet, but last night I watched tv and went to bed early and tonight is likely to be similar lol.
    • 8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? If it’s on a regular basis, it’s trashy, but every once in a while is understandle, I suppose.
    • 9. Is confidence cute? Yesh
    • 10. What is the last beverage you had? I’m currently sipping on a cup of coffee.
    • 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? 1
    • 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? No
    • 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? That’s when Trey gets back :) ))
    • 14. What are you going to spend money on next? Either gas or dinner Saturday night
    • 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? Yep
    • 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Possibly
    • 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Hmm, I guess Trey
    • 18. The last time you felt broken? I think it was on the 18th of 19th this month
    • 19. Have you had sex today? No
    • 20. Are you starting to realize anything? I guess… that’s kind of vague.
    • 21. Are you in a good mood? Yeah, pretty good mood.
    • 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? Not unless they were caged.
    • 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? I want to say his are more green than my brown/hazel-green eyes
    • 24. What do you want right this second? Trey here and a better fan in my room.
    • 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? I’d be furious and I’d probably say something along the lines of “What the fuck was that?!” Lol
    • 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Yep
    • 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? I don’t think so, laughter is important :)
    • 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? Sadly, I can’t remember. I know I laughed a bunch when I skyped Trey on Monday.
    • 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? Yes! Have you not been paying attention… fiance’s been away for a month and I’m super excited about his return.. so yes, I’d say I truly do miss someone right now.
    • 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Not everyone.
    • 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? In person was my little brother, Connor- I’m not super fond of him but he’s my brother so I love him. Last boy I skype/IM’d with was Trey and I definitely don’t hate him :)
    • 32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Considering we’re engaged, probably.
    • 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? No, every once in a while I have a soda, but it’s not a regular-basis thing.
    • 34. Listening to? Law and Order: SVU on tv
    • 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Yes
    • 36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? Somewhere in Dusseldorf, Germany having dinner with a friend who’s Russian.
    • 37. Do you believe in love at first sight? I don’t know
    • 38. Who did you last call? I think it was work, telling them I was there and needed to be let in lol
    • 39. Who was the last person you danced with? Umm, I zumba’d with Heather on Tuesday, does that count? 
    • 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because I love them and they were leaving for Germany for a month.
    • 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? It’s been a while, sadly.
    • 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? Not yet, no.
    • 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Ehh, probably.
    • 44. Do you tan in the nude? Nope! There’s a parking lot above/behind my backyard… not safe! (Though I wouldn’t regardless.)
    • 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? Definitely not.
    • 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? Nope
    • 47. Who was the last person to call you? My Mom
    • 48. Do you sing in the shower? Very rarely.
    • 49. Do you dance in the car? Only if the song is awesome and I’m hyper lol
    • 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? I tried once and sucked.
    • 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? 18th birthday/graduation photos
    • 52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Sort of.
    • 53. Is Christmas stressful? Only when it comes to figuring out plans between Trey’s family and mine.
    • 54. Ever eat a pierogi? piero-whaty??
    • 55. Favorite type of fruit pie? PUMPKIN!!
    • 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Stay-at-home-mom, cook, psychologist, photographer
    • 57. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes
    • 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Not really
    • 59. Take a vitamin daily? No, but occasionally.
    • 60. Wear slippers? Rarely
    • 61. Wear a bath robe? Nah, just a towel
    • 62. What do you wear to bed? A t-shirt and my panties
    • 63. First concert? Technically, Beach Boys but I only vagely remember it. Hillary Duff is the first I fully remember
    • 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Walmart
    • 65. Nike or Adidas? My new running shoes are Nikes and they’re amazing!
    • 66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Meh, neither
    • 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Peanuts or both!
    • 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? Not really a huge fan, but there are some that are all right
    • 69. Ever take dance lessons? I took dance for two years, starting when I was 2 yrs. but really I just did cartwheels and flips lol
    • 70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Well, he’s in the Army and wanting to be a PA or MD soooo doctor, I guess xp
    • 71. Can you curl your tongue? Yeah
    • 72. Ever won a spelling bee? I was homeschooled, so no, but I also never participated in one.
    • 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes
    • 74. What is your favorite book? That’s hard. 
    • 75. Do you study better with or without music? Without, I’m easily distracted.
    • 76. Regularly burn incense? nope
    • 77. Ever been in love? Currently am :)
    • 78. Who would you like to see in concert? Rammstein!
    • 79. What was the last concert you saw? …Hillary Duff when I was 11 lol
    • 80. Hot tea or cold tea? Either, but cold right now because it’s hot out!
    • 81. Tea or coffee? Coffee! Definitely.
    • 82. Favorite type of cookie? Oatmeal raisin
    • 83. Can you swim well? Yeah
    • 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes
    • 85. Are you patient? It depends what about.. but usually, no lol.
    • 86. DJ or band, at a wedding? I don’t know… I’ve only been to two weddings.
    • 87. Ever won a contest? Yes
    • 88. Ever have plastic surgery? Nope
    • 89. Which are better black or green olives? Black
    • 90. Opinions on sex before marriage? It happens
    • 91. Best room for a fireplace? Living room
    • 92. Do you want to get married? Yes, and lucky for me, I already found the right guy.

  • Weird dream..

    I had a dream that my tattoo on my left wrist, the recovery one, faded away! :(  

    Like you could barely see where it used to be. I was really, really sad & I was freaking out. I was like, how in the world did that happen! I was thinking it might have had something to so with laying out in the sun (I’ve been doing that a lot recently), like I know the sun can lighten/bleach your hair some, but I never heard of it making a tattoo fade all the way away. (And I also realize that it will fade tattoos a little, but not to the point where they’d be completely gone.) I was trying to get a hold of Trey but I couldn’t reach him. 
    Anyways, it was really weird. I like my tattoos. 
    That’s all. 

  • Project complete!! :D

    So I saw something on the computer almost two years ago and thought it looked cool. 

    In the beginning of 2012, I sort of started working on the list. It was during my “Theater and Dance” class and we were watching a musical, so I just started doodling and then made 1-19 of reasons why I love Trey. 
    I think I saw the idea on pinterest, but I looked for it today and couldn’t locate it. 
    Basically, you get a deck of cards, a hole puncher, book rings, and some white labels (optional). Make a list of 52 things you love about someone or 52 reasons you love someone and get creative…
    I found my list in progress while cleaning my room recently and figured I’d finish it and have it as a surprise for when Trey gets back from Germany :)
    I completed the list a week or two ago and today I started and completed the actual project. 
    Like I said, deck of cards and labels…
    After you get the labels on (if you choose to use them), you want to punch holes in ‘em. I suggest begin with one card and then use it to make the rest. Also, unless you have a really good hole punch, you probably only want to do 3 at a time (1 that’s already punched, that you’re using to judge location on and two that are getting holes added). 
    When you’re done you just stick then on the book rings and pray you got them all even! (Luckily, I did!)
    Now you’re all ready to add your reasons/things. 
    Cover page!
    This is my first page :) I used the joker cards as front and back covers sort of…
    And the last “cover page”. 
    Obviously that was only six of the reasons, but it’d take way too long for me to upload the rest on here lol. 
    I’m really excited to give it to Trey :) I mentioned working on a project to him but he has no idea what it is :) )
    A week from tomorrow I will be picking him up at the airport with his Mom in the afternoon! 
    I open that morning (per request, so I’ll be able to get to his house in time to ride with his Mom to the airport) and I’m telling you, that is going to be the slowest 4 hour shift in the world! Lol, I’m excited. I’ve got a fairly busy week ahead of me and then Saturday will be here and I’ll go to work, then come home and eat, then get ready and head to his house so that I arrive at 3:30pm and we’ll leave at 4pm and his plain is due in at 4:54pm… then I’ll get to tackle him in a humongous hug! :) )) 
    I’m excited! Anyways, I need to be getting to bed soon so that’s all for now

  • Some babbling a/b today & I’m not pathetic xp

    So I did get up at 6:30 and go to the gym this morning. 

    I ran a mile but started feeling a little sick ( I had a little glass of milk 20-30 minutes before I began running, so that might’ve caused it… I thought maybe since it was lactose free it’d be okay, but I guess not). So I stopped at one because I didn’t want to push myself too much. 
    Then I went to the weight room and did a good amount of arm, back, and pec work outs, and I finished up with some abs. 
    Then I went home, showered, ate breakfast, and headed to work. 
    I felt crappy the whole time. Like I’m either getting a summer cold or something. I’ve had pressure headaches the last couple of nights (note, normally it’s just at night, but it was there this morning too for some reason) and my head felt kind of warm and clammy. I was so happy when I go to leave.
    I got to talk to Trey a little which was good. We were talking about how each other’s day had gone and well… 
    Let’s just say he made me laugh and put a big smile on my face lol
    After he got off to go to bed (7 hours ahead over there), I headed to kroger’s to pick up my prescription. 
    I noticed instead of it being 10mg as Tara had mentioned on the 4th, it was 20mg. Thought that was odd, but it’s whatever. I’m assuming it’s because I mentioned how I’d felt more depressed and just lethargic the last two weeks. I don’t really care though.. I mean, I’ve been on 40 mg before so 20mg isn’t a big deal. 
    Aside from feeling ill-ish earlier, I’ve been feeling a little better today (not saying it’s the medicine though since I didn’t even take it until just recently today), but I think that has more to do with going and working out this morning and feeling accomplished. Plus, I’ve been busy and that helps too. So I guess I would qualify today as ‘not as depressed’. 
    Another happy note is that Trey will be back in 9 days! 
    Oh yeah… I wanted to clarify that me being more depressed recently isn’t just because Trey is gone. I miss him, but when I’m feeling down I’m not just sitting here like damn, my life is miserable without Trey. I will admit, he does make me really happy, he puts me in a good mood and makes me laugh. His cuddles make me feel special and I’m generally happy when I get to talk to him. 
    I’m also stuck at my house unless I’m at work. I had been spending a lot of time at the mall just hanging out around Build-A-Bear, but I began to feel in the way, plus the last two weeks, I’ve felt less social, more sulky. 
    It’s not like there’s a whole lot wrong with my house. Yeah, the food situation sort of sucks, but that’s a small thing really. I don’t like my older brother and his presence just bugs me.. He used to be really controlling of the house (like he’d turn your tv off or computer because he didn’t like the show or he thought it was too loud or stuff like that) and he’s not as bad now but still, it’s like walking on egg shells around his ass. Connor can be obnoxious and though he’s not having his little anger/rage fits as much as he used to (back like 3-4 years ago), he’s still really loud and he likes to push buttons. With my parents… most of the time I’d rather be left alone. My Mom can be a nag sometimes and I feel like a burden and shit sometimes because of her. So we butt heads frequently. And my Dad.. he doesn’t really do anything wrong. I just wish sometimes he’d not try talking with me- even small talk. I know, I sound like a horrible person. But sometimes I get in these moods where I just don’t want any kind of interaction, like not even a hi. I can’t help it.. it’s like I’m drained and even the smallest amount of energy require to say “hi, I’m okay. You?” is exhausting. I realize how horrible I sound as I put this out and I should work on it… I just, sometimes existing is hard. 
    So yeah… I think that’s one of the reasons I do better in the semester than the summer. Because in the school year, I’m getting up at 5am and out of the house a little after 6am and I go work out (with is a mood booster) and then I have classes and after that I usually go to Trey’s, or if I do go home I’m given more space because it’s known I have home work and then there’s also work that takes up time and gets me out of the house, or I can go to the campus to study or something. 
    Anyways, I suppose I’ll cut it off there. I just wanted to talk about today and explain that I’m not pathetic for feeling depressed recently… it’s not just because my guy is gone over seas.. it’s that, mixed in with other stuff too. 

  • Updating!! *Feelings, counseling, & meds*

    Okay, so this will not probably be a long post, but I’m going to try to stay on track.

    I mentioned a little bit ago that my counselor, Amy, at school thought I might be bipolar. 
    She wasn’t certain, so she wanted me to meet with a LPC/APN (Tara) too, to get a second opinion. 
    Tara didn’t think I was bipolar, but she agreed something was up. They talked more after I left, and now Amy agrees bipolar doesn’t fit. 
    Tara did, however, think it’d be a good idea for me to go back on celexa (which I had started February 2012 [stopped taking for a little bit in June-July] and then was on it until mid-December 2012). When I stopped taking it last time, I was on 40mg; this time she would want to put me on 10mg. This was June 4th and I told her I would think about it. I really wanted to stay off of medication if possible. 
    Well, a week passed and I felt really down. I didn’t do any of the homework Amy had assigned for me either. I felt unmotivated to do it or anything really. Even work had felt more draining (as opposed to energizing and spirit-lifting like usual). Right before we were supposed to meet last week, something came up in the office, and Amy had to reschedule our session for the upcoming week. (I normally see her weekly.) So yesterday I saw her and she asked about the homework. I explained why I hadn’t done it the first week and offered that I did do the feeling check in the second week, despite still feeling really depressed and lethargic. 
    She said she thought it was a good idea for me to go back on celexa too. 
    I sort of wanted to so I’d feel better, but I also thought I’d feel better once Trey got back (not only because Trey would be back and he’s a big part of my happiness, but because I’d be out of my house more. I don’t like being stuck at my house so much). 
    I came home and skyped Trey for almost 2 and a half hours, which normally would make me super happy! [Actually, we instant messaged via skype because the calls keep getting dropped because of A) he has a crappy internet connection, B) his tablet, or C) Skype is sucking.] Anyways, the whole time I still felt really sad and would cry a little bit for no apparent reason. 
    After that I e-mailed Amy and told her I would go ahead and get back on it.. Though I didn’t know if I needed to tell her or Tara. I didn’t hear from her that day and around 9pm I just… I felt so empty. 
    I wasn’t suicidal, like in the sense I wanted to do something to hurt or kill myself, but I had that feeling of just wanting the sadness and the pain to ceased. The fact that I was feeling that and I didn’t have a specific cause for the feelings- nothing bad or depressing had happened- made me realize I definitely needed to start on the celexa again. 
    I went ahead and e-mail Tara too and she got back to me this morning asking where she should call the prescription in to. She responded back just recently and said she would have it called in tomorrow. 
    Also, Amy mentioned the possibility of me having “Impulse Control Disorder” NOS. She explained it, but rather than me trying to repeat that I’ll just give a link…. http://www.minddisorders.com/Flu-Inv/Impulse-control-disorders.html … I looked over a couple different google results and this site seemed the clearest and most helpful. It definitely sounds like it could fit me. NOS if you don’t know means “not otherwise specified” meaning, I don’t fit exactly into a specific category, but I have bits in pieces of lots of them. 
    With bipolar, I have the ups and downs and the flightiness a little; with borderline personality disorder- she can see some of the symptoms, but not enough to declare me BPD… so I don’t. I kind of feel like an Easter basket full of problems. 
    Anyways, I should go to bed now. I plan to get up at 6:30am, go to the gym, get a good work out in, then shower off and have breakfast before I work 10-2pm. Then I’ll try to talk with Trey (since 2pm here is 9pm there) before he goes to bed, and then I’ll probably try to get my medicine. 
    Tomorrow also will be 9 days until he’s back! Finally, in to the single digits.

  • Little but strong *pics*

    So @sf2slc (Sam) had requested to see a picture of me flexing, so I took some pictures yesterday at the gym…

     
    BAM! XP
    There’s my calf.. 
    Thankfully, I don’t believe anyone saw me taking pics lol
    I took this back at my house… you can see Lil Sergeant Scriffy on my bed xp
    Excuse my looking a little rough lol, that was after a two mile run and in the process of working my biceps, triceps, pecs, and back. (I also hadn’t showered that morning since I planned to do it after my work-out.)
    I got a really good work out in and I can feel my arms and back a little. I almost wanted to go work out again today, but I figured I’d give myself a day to recover and then tomorrow morning I’ll get up early and hit the gym before I go in to work at 10am. 
    I’ll try to update soon. I was going to yesterday then I went off about Cara’s retardedness and then I wasn’t feeling up to much later so it never happened. 

  • ARE YOU KIDING ME!!!!!??????

    Umm…. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!!! This bitch is seriously going to try to induce labor before her baby is ready just so her selfish/self-centered ass can be more comfortable!! Yeah, pregnancy is uncomfortable, but if you can’t commit to the full time then don’t get knocked up!!!!! 
    #%UIEFNWEIHT!#@HTQIETHIQ
    I told Trey, so hopefully he’ll mention it to his parents and they can talk some sense into her. 
    Also, why the fuck does she have an induction date set… they don’t normally induce  (especially on the first baby) unless it’s overdue. She’s not in medical danger or anything.. she just wants to comfy again. Her doctors an idiot too. 
    I#HT@#FINING@HGIERNG Gahhh! She just infuriates me sometimes… poor baby. Hopefully she doesn’t rush her out before she’s ready. :/

  • Babbling about today mainly

    This morning my alarm went off at 7:20am. 

    I’d set it for that because I wanted to get up and get a run in before starting my day. 
    I fell asleep around 11-something last night, but woke up at 2am and was up for an hour and a half or more. 
    I really wanted to keep my bed company, but I managed to get my ass out of bed and get my running shoes on.
    I only did a mile (which was my plan anyways) and it sucked lol. The temp felt good outside, but man… I felt super dehydrated. I’m definitely going to try to drink more water today and rehydrate myself.
    After I got back I cooled off and then went to lay outside. I went out too early so the sun was still semi behind the trees and out of the 60 minutes I spent out there, I only got maybe 20-30 minutes of good sun. 
    I know I have to wait until 8:45-9am to get good sun, I was just being impatient lol. 
    I’m reading this book Shelby suggested a month or so ago called “A Million Little Pieces” by James Frey. It’s good. There’s like no punctuation aside from periods/exclamation points, and the rare comma which is sort of annoying, but nonetheless, the book is good. I’ve read 403/430 pages, so I’m thinking I’m going to try to run by the library after work today. Well, assuming that’s possible. I work 12-4pm and I’m on-call 4-7pm. I don’t see them using my on-call unless Allie is still “sick”. Yesterday I stayed two extra hours to help cover the part of her shift that didn’t overlap with my shift because she supposedly ate bad Chinese food. 
    I’m not sure I believe that though… Like Monday she was posting stuff about going to Hot Springs to hang with friends, then Tuesday at work she said her sis had asked her to babysit for her those days, so she’d still be in Hot Springs, but not having fun. Then Tuesday night, I see a bunch of post and one of them is like “OMG DRUNK” … 
    It’s not like it really made a difference to me what she did.. it’s not like I was invited nor was I going to ask to tag along, so why she seems to have lied about it doesn’t make sense but whatever. And I get a feeling Thursday night she was still in Hot Springs and had a little more fun than she should’ve considering she worked at noon the next day, but whatever. If she’s there today then I probably will get off at 4pm and that means I can run by the library. If not, I’ll get off at 7 and it closes at 6pm.. so we’ll see. 
    There’s not a whole lot of point to this post, but I felt like writing, so yeah. Originally, I was just going to make a pulse about dragging my ass out of bed, despite it being so comfy! (lol) and running a mile this morning.. and being proud of that. But… there wasn’t enough room in the pulse space for all that so I came here and started babbling.
    I have two weeks left as of today until Trey gets back. It still seems like a lot, but it’s better. I put in a request at work to be an opener on Saturday so I can hopefully ride with his parents to the airport to pick him up. I also mentioned it to Leah, so I don’t think it should be a problem. I’m just ready to have him back and to get cuddles and hugs. I miss him.
    Well, I’m going to put a little mascara on I guess and make sure I’m ready for work. Work is good… it gives me something to do, keeps my min occupied, builds my bank account up some, and usually cheers me up. The last couple of days I’ve felt somewhat depressed, despite work. Hopefully today is a different story. 

  • I’d rather live in a Pineapple under the sea…

    I’m ready to have my own place. Well, my own place with Trey.I loved it when we had our apartment together and wish that’d never stopped.Since his roommate (who got the place with Trey about the time I entered the picture) didn’t like the idea of living with a married couple (we’d just gotten engaged ), Trey talked to the guy who owned the apartments and he was willing to let Trey out of the lease because of the situation. (I wasn’t officially on the lease and didn’t pay rent, that was going to change before TJ complained about us being engaged, so I wasn’t on lease or anything.)

    {I really don’t see what the big difference was between living with a boyfriend/girlfriend couple and a married couple  is/was, but whatever.}

    So Trey and I looked for an apartment we could get together and found one. We put a deposit down and it was supposed to be ours in mid-January.However, late November-early December Trey lost his job at the liquor store because the owner realized he couldn’t work there until he was 21 (and he was a few months away from 20). I was still working at Cajun’s and making good money,but he couldn’t let me pay the rent and utilities until he found a new job by myself so he ran by the place and got out of the lease and even got out deposit back.

    He moved in with his parents and I sort of tagged along. I’m not sure how it even happened, but I ended up living there too. I lived thereuntil a year ago (June 2012) when I got kicked out because… well, there was a lot of shit going on with me and it just had to happen.

    I’ve been at my parent’s house since. I hate it here. I but heads with my Mom. And I hate my oldest brother. He’s controlling and a freak.He tried to strangle me once (I think it was over something related to my eating disorder when I was 15 or so) and most of the freezer is taken up by his food so there’s barely room in it for anyone else to have frozen food, he has two shelves in the cabinet, the family food- I don’t feel as though I can really eat that. My Mom says I can have stuff that she makes but it’s already claimed really (she makes some for her and Connor and then what’s left is usually what Dad has for dinner so it’s not really available because I know other people are going to be expecting it later).

    I have bread, yogurt, bananas, and cereal that are mine. If there’s eggs I’ll eat that too, but my Mom always bitches about the smell.Turkey (like deli meat) I snack on when we have but there isn’t any right now.I get an apple or two a week. There’s mesquite chicken in the freezer but if I eat that I get complained at too sometimes. And that’s about it.

    When I’m at Trey’s, we have a rice cooker and we make steamed rice and cook chicken and do it up Asian-y or Indian style. We make eggs and potato hash and other shit. That’s another thing.. over there, I’m allowed to cook. My Mom bitches at me if I use her kitchen to cook anything.She’s a control freak too.

    I’m not allowed to cook, clean up after myself, I can’t do my own laundry, she cares more about her new floors that me (it feels like that at least sometimes). 

    She knows Connor smokes pot but doesn’t seem to give a shit.And it fucking pisses me off when I try to go to the bathroom and it stinks like a fucking blunt.

    I’m just tired of being here. Since Trey left, I’ve dropped maybe 5 lbs. Like, back in the school year I was between 120-124 lbs. Then after school got out, I lost a little bit more.. that was just eating less after I got over that horrible stomach bug. It was terrible and I couldn’t eat much for maybe three days after it (playing it safe to avoid upsetting my stomach more) and after that it felt like my stomach had shrunk some (though I realize it probably takes longer than even a week for it to shrink) but I wasn’t as hungry. Then I was sitting at 118 lbs or so… Then let’s see… Trey’s been gone for two weeks tomorrow.

    The day he left and maybe the next day or two, I barely ate because I felt depressed. (I think it was Tuesday-Thursday… tried eating more on Friday… idk.) Anyways, I’ve been trying harder to eat well and I’m not feeling as depressed (at least, not to the point where I’m just lying in bed crying depressed, still down though) but now there’s like nothing to eat!

    I weighed myself this morning and my house scale said 110(Which REALLY means, 113-114… it’s old and off by like 3 pounds- I’ve compared it to the scale at the gym and doctors.) Still, that’s not good. It’s not super horrible but it needs to stop and it needs to go up a few lbs.

    I’m just ready to have my own place with Trey… and that probably won’t happen until we’re out of school because if he goes to PA school, he’s not allowed to work when he’s in the program… unless he goes in through the army (which is a backup plan), in which case, we’d get married before he went, so I could live on base with him (it’d be in Houston, Texas).

    Mehhh..

  • Fucking bullshit

    So I was supposed to work 10-6 yesterday… 
    One of my managers (Angie) asked me to stay until seven because the girl who was supposed to work til seven was complaining and kept wondering off. I agreed to help. Then at seven, she told me she would like to use some of the on-call hours the girl (Cierra) originally had assigned to her, in order for me to help stock and get the floor looking good. I was fairly tired, but still, I agreed to help. 
    So rather than having an 8 hour shift yesterday, I worked 11.5 hours. 
    I stopped by the store today to grab my water bottle I’d forgotten last night and a different manager (Leah, the chief manager) fussed at me for staying extra. I tried to explain that I had only stayed because Angie asked me to. 
    There was also a note she had left on the sheet up front said 3 on-call hours could be used if we hit a certain amount of sales ($4500). 
    {Angie saw that when she asked me to stay. We were at $4,500 yet and I told her to me it looked like we could use the hours if we had already reached 4500 at the point she chose to use the hours (and at that point we were still around $4,200). She interpreted it as she could use the hours if we looked at though we would hit $4,500 by the end of the night. I really thought she was wrong, but since she was the manager on duty, I listened to her (after voicing my fear of getting her in trouble if she was wrong about it).}
    I guess I was right though, because Leah still got mad at me for the extra hours. She said we were over two hours for pay-roll, the two hours I stayed extra. 
    I tried explaining the note she had left, Angie’s interpretation of it, and how I was only doing as the MOD asked, but I guess it was still my fault for listening to the person in charge. -.-
    So by simply doing as I was asked (and I didn’t even ask for the extra hours! I opened and closed! I like extra hours but I wouldn’t have signed up for that unless it was requested of me) I got in trouble. And it didn’t even seem like she was registering that I was doing what Angie asked. Maybe she’ll fuss at Angie too (though I don’t want Angie fussed at or in trouble), but I don’t think it was fair for her to get onto me about it. 
    It’s just fucking bullshit and I feel bad that we went over on pay-roll by two hours and if Angie gets in trouble, I’ll feel bad about that, but fuck man. I don’t think it’s fair that I got fussed at for doing what a manager asked, whether it was the wrong choice or not. It’s just fucking bullshit and the cherry on top of my crap fest. :(