June 20, 2013

• Some babbling a/b today & I’m not pathetic xp

  So I did get up at 6:30 and go to the gym this morning. 

  I ran a mile but started feeling a little sick ( I had a little glass of milk 20-30 minutes before I began running, so that might’ve caused it… I thought maybe since it was lactose free it’d be okay, but I guess not). So I stopped at one because I didn’t want to push myself too much. 

  Then I went to the weight room and did a good amount of arm, back, and pec work outs, and I finished up with some abs. 

  Then I went home, showered, ate breakfast, and headed to work. 

  I felt crappy the whole time. Like I’m either getting a summer cold or something. I’ve had pressure headaches the last couple of nights (note, normally it’s just at night, but it was there this morning too for some reason) and my head felt kind of warm and clammy. I was so happy when I go to leave.

  I got to talk to Trey a little which was good. We were talking about how each other’s day had gone and well… 

  

  Let’s just say he made me laugh and put a big smile on my face lol

  After he got off to go to bed (7 hours ahead over there), I headed to kroger’s to pick up my prescription. 

  I noticed instead of it being 10mg as Tara had mentioned on the 4th, it was 20mg. Thought that was odd, but it’s whatever. I’m assuming it’s because I mentioned how I’d felt more depressed and just lethargic the last two weeks. I don’t really care though.. I mean, I’ve been on 40 mg before so 20mg isn’t a big deal. 

  Aside from feeling ill-ish earlier, I’ve been feeling a little better today (not saying it’s the medicine though since I didn’t even take it until just recently today), but I think that has more to do with going and working out this morning and feeling accomplished. Plus, I’ve been busy and that helps too. So I guess I would qualify today as ‘not as depressed’. 

  Another happy note is that Trey will be back in 9 days! 

  Oh yeah… I wanted to clarify that me being more depressed recently isn’t just because Trey is gone. I miss him, but when I’m feeling down I’m not just sitting here like damn, my life is miserable without Trey. I will admit, he does make me really happy, he puts me in a good mood and makes me laugh. His cuddles make me feel special and I’m generally happy when I get to talk to him. 

  I’m also stuck at my house unless I’m at work. I had been spending a lot of time at the mall just hanging out around Build-A-Bear, but I began to feel in the way, plus the last two weeks, I’ve felt less social, more sulky. 

  It’s not like there’s a whole lot wrong with my house. Yeah, the food situation sort of sucks, but that’s a small thing really. I don’t like my older brother and his presence just bugs me.. He used to be really controlling of the house (like he’d turn your tv off or computer because he didn’t like the show or he thought it was too loud or stuff like that) and he’s not as bad now but still, it’s like walking on egg shells around his ass. Connor can be obnoxious and though he’s not having his little anger/rage fits as much as he used to (back like 3-4 years ago), he’s still really loud and he likes to push buttons. With my parents… most of the time I’d rather be left alone. My Mom can be a nag sometimes and I feel like a burden and shit sometimes because of her. So we butt heads frequently. And my Dad.. he doesn’t really do anything wrong. I just wish sometimes he’d not try talking with me- even small talk. I know, I sound like a horrible person. But sometimes I get in these moods where I just don’t want any kind of interaction, like not even a hi. I can’t help it.. it’s like I’m drained and even the smallest amount of energy require to say “hi, I’m okay. You?” is exhausting. I realize how horrible I sound as I put this out and I should work on it… I just, sometimes existing is hard. 

  So yeah… I think that’s one of the reasons I do better in the semester than the summer. Because in the school year, I’m getting up at 5am and out of the house a little after 6am and I go work out (with is a mood booster) and then I have classes and after that I usually go to Trey’s, or if I do go home I’m given more space because it’s known I have home work and then there’s also work that takes up time and gets me out of the house, or I can go to the campus to study or something. 

  Anyways, I suppose I’ll cut it off there. I just wanted to talk about today and explain that I’m not pathetic for feeling depressed recently… it’s not just because my guy is gone over seas.. it’s that, mixed in with other stuff too. 

  • 10:01 pm
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