Thank you pinterest, for showing me this.

As if I'm not worrying enough about the possible danger Trey will be probably be in sometime in the future, you had to have this freakin' picture up just to plant that possibility in my head!

I'm not what I would consider "stable" right now so a huge freakin' thank you is in order!

Now excuse me while I attempt to not start crying.

I'm fucking fed up with all this bull shit.

I have so many thoughts running through my head it's hard to stay on one.

• I'm sick and tired of this cough! I've had it for five days and it's really bad. I just cough so hard I puked. And I've lost my voice completely. It was going in and out Friday, but while I was at work it left completely. Then it started coming back over night somewhat cause when I got up Saturday I could speak somewhat, but by the time I got to work Saturday night I was completely mute and I still had to work! 
  DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HARD IT IS TO BE HEAD HOSTESS WHEN YOU CAN'T FUCKING SPEAK?!
  I was suppose to have Syril up there as my "voice", meaning my brain would be running the board, but he'd be like my interpreter, talk to/greet the customers, and answer the phone but he kept starring off into the tv and leaving me. Kelsey was being ditzy as usual, plus she took a fucking bar right as she got to work so she was super distracted. And Korbin doesn't have good people skills.
  So I kept getting left alone up there, and I couldn't speak, I just had a sign that read "Sorry. I'm temporarily mute." And I felt like a deer in the headlights whenever people would walk up. And customers were getting attitude with me because they thought I was being snooty and ignoring them. And Dan should've sent me home since I was super sick.
• Oh, and apparently when Trey got home his Mom bitched to him that I've drank all the creamer. NOT FUCKING TRUE. His parents are the one who use a shit ton of creamer and I barely use any! Hell, his Mom drinks her coffee half creamer, half coffee. If you can't stand the way coffee taste why the fuck do you drink it?!
• And I'm fucking tired of this sickness! I have mucus and shit in my lungs which means I'm going to cough a bunch. I hate that. Trey has drill this weekend and I fucking hate that I feel like I'm keeping him up at night. He has to get up at five in the morning anyways, he deserves to be able to get some restful sleep before getting up and being out all day. I feel like such a burden!
• Even better about being sick? His fucking Mom again bitched about how much toilet paper I've wasted blowing my nose! First off, what the fuck! I don't use that much and secondly, I use like two squares when I do blow my nose. Plus, what the fuck else am I suppose to blow my nose on?! There aren't kleenex in this house hold!
• OH AND WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I GOT MY DEATHLY COUGH FROM?! Could it perhaps be from her two fucking daughters who had bad coughs and don't know how to fucking cover their mouths?! Kessa coughs everywhere and the same with Cara who had bronchitis, coughed everywhere, plus drank straight from the carton of stuff! If she'd taught them manners I probably wouldn't be sick in the first place!
• And on a different subject. ABUSE IS NOT A FUNNY MATTER. PEOPLE NEED TO STOP FUCKING JOKING ABOUT IT. I'M SICK IN TIRED OF IT. {This will get it's own blog for me to rant on.}
• And I'm tired! I've probably gotten less than twenty hours of sleep in the last 4-5 days and I'm fucking exhausted. You know what? I don't cope well with bullshit when I'm exhausted.
• Oh yeah. And I went home after a lunch date with Trey yesterday because I was on that side of town and it made sense since I had work over there shortly. I was only there four hours and even that was too much. My family is fucked up! My parents play favorites and make it clear Sean's that favorite. He'll be 22 next month and he still lives at home. He has no job. He isn't in school. And worst of all, he isn't trying to get a job or get into school, or do anything productive. He's just being a lazy fucking bum! I just- I don't even want to get into it right now. He's just a waste of life and when he dies (which I project will be within the next five years, roughly) I won't shed a tear for him.
• And just as a side note: Trey's Mom begged for us to move in because she wanted him (and me along with him) home. She didn't like him living on his own. She wanted him to live at home while he goes to school and save on money. So it's not like we're bumming here. We moved in  because she BEGGED us to do so. Just for the record.

And as one last thing. I want to run! I'm angry and pissed and frustrated and have a lot of steam to burn but I can't! Trey told me no more running until I'm better because he doesn't want me contracting pnemonia or something from running out in the cold while I'm already sick and I agreed. So now I can't and I want to and I'm still pissed.  

Oh yeah,

I had a lunch date with my soldier today.

We met up at Maddie's Place at 11:00 when he got his lunch break from drill and he treated me to some noms

Turns out Vietnam is a no go. I feel bad for him because I know how badly he wanted to go, but then again, I'm relieved.

However, he will be trying to get into sniper school.

Meaning instead of getting out of infantry and into a medical unit (where he'd be less in harms way), he's staying in infantry.

That means, next time he does get deployed, I'm going to worry my ass off. Yay :/

Oh, and he'll probably be going away for like four weeks for the sniper school thingy. Boo.

Hey,

so I made a new xanga. It's a recovery site.

I made it since I have a pinterest and wanted to be able to upload some pictures/pins on it, but in order to do so, you have to get the pictures from a site and if you click on the pin/picture, it takes you to the site. Since there are people on facebook (who follow my pinterest) I don't want to link them back to my actual site.

Thus, www.xanga.com/recoveryisworthit was born.

I'll pretty much just post motivational/inspiring pictures on there and who knows, I might put some quotes or stuff on it, but we'll see.

Anyways, if you want to check it out or REC this, that'd be cool. If you don't wanna, that's cool too

Bye

You know saying "Every woman loves a man in uniform."?

I call bull shit. 

I don't believe that's accurate at all.

You can like what you see and think men look handsome in a uniform, but it's more than that.

It takes a lot to put your heart completely into someone then have to accept the fact that if they get dropped orders to go over seas somewhere for how every many months, it's going to happen and you just have to be strong.

You have to put on a brave face and be strong.

There's webcams, cell phones, letters, and all other sorts of way to communicate, but even with that, you're going to sleep at night all alone with no one to cuddle up to. When you've had a shitty day and need a hug, those arms aren't going to necessarily be there to embrace you. When you wake up scared from a bad dream and wish you had someone there to comfort you... Or when you're missing that loved one, and wish you could give then a sweet, loving kiss.

Loving a soldier is hard.

Yeah, it's a choice I made, but that doesn't make it any easier.

-Ends rant.

[In case you're wondering where this came from... Trey said he'll probably find out whether or not he's going to Vietnam this weekend while he's at drill.]

That's me and Trey, but it works haha.

I would do this in a vlog just to show you how horrible my voice is, but A) you wouldn't be able to understand me {I have a really bad cough and have had it for the last couple of days. I've been coughing so much I've lost my voice. It's completely left the building lol} and B) I can't find the icon for my webcam after Trey restored my computer [my little brother accidentally sent me a virus via an email and it completely crashed my computer in a matter of seconds. Thank God Trey was able to restore it completely back to it's original form. He's like my own personal "Geek squad" ]

Anyways... comparisons!

He's deaf [in one ear], I'm currently mute!

He's fuzzy (yay, testosterone lol), I'm smooth and soft

He's tall, I'm short.

He's a boy, I'm a girl. (duh )

Hmm, I guess that's all I can think of for now anyways.

We're actually pretty alike.

We both love coffee.

We both active people.

We have similar food interests.

We both are rather ticklish.

We like similar music.

We both can be silly, yet we know when to be serious.

We both have been through really bad relationships.

We have similar past experiences.

We both like cuddling

We both have a little road rage, haha.

And best of all, we both know that we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other.

This is kind of a pointless post... but oh well. It's more so for me, than for the readers, I guess.

I sat here in front of my lap top and typed this facebook status up...

Sometimes I just sit here, amazed by how lucky I am. Some how, I managed to catch the eye of the most wonderful guy ever. I still don't understand how I managed to come across someone as considerate, sweet, loving, passionate, caring, smart, understanding, supportive, and wonderful as Trey. I really am fortunate. Who would've thought in that little comp class, that I didn't even want to take, I'd meet someone so surreal. People like this aren't even suppose to exist in real life.
-The luckiest girl in the world

... all while Trey was sitting right in front of me, messing with his German dictionary, completely unaware of what was going on

And he thinks this smile on my face is just random lol

Wow. So I came across Trey's old xanga from like 2006 a little bit ago but never got around to reading it.

He's playing on his xbox now, so I took some time to read it. You know, to keep me from being bored.

....

Holy shit.

I'm so glad I never posted the name of it on here.

It's depressing. Thank fucking God it's from 6 years ago and he's a completely different person. It was when he was going through some hard shit that I can relate to, so no judgement, but damn.

I had to be careful not to show emotion while reading it as to not make him suspicious.

I'd tackle him with a big hug right now if it wouldn't probably kill him in his game.

There's not really a point to this post. Just wow </3

I hate that he had to feel that way. I'm making it my responsibility from now on, to make sure he never feels like that ever again.

A whole lot can change in a year. A whole, whole lot.

For Christmas I got Trey Turtle Beach head phones... they're really nice gamer head phones, meaning he had to get world of war craft 3 or some game 3....

I pretty much replaced myself.

The fight for his attention begins now.