May 29, 2013

• Lil update on me and the last two days

  I might try to do an update after work, but now I’m getting ready for it, so I don’t have time. 

  So just a quickie… 

  Yesterday I had cereal for breakfast with Trey. He left at noon and I stopped by Build-A-Bear on my way home because I didn’t want to be home, alone yet. I got home about 2:00pm. I was super sad, and cried a bunch, on and off. 

  I took some nyquil around 4:30 and napped for 30 minutes-an hour. Trey had texted me until he boarded the plane around 3pm, I got a text at 7 saying he was on his new plane  (I think in Atlanta) and heading to Amsterdam. 

  I barely slept last night. Like maybe two hours, but I don’t feel tired.. just sad. 

  I’ve done better about not crying so much today, still really sad though. 

  I got a text from Trey at 2pm from his German phone. He doesn’t have an international plan yet, so he couldn’t text much because of cost. Basically I got his number, he told me he loved me and he was going to bed, and that he’d try to text or call once he’d gotten a better plan. After that I cried a little. I miss him a lot. 

  All I’ve had today was a yogurt around 11am and I just made a smoothie (one banana, a peach fatfree activia yogurt, milk, and a shake of cinnamon). I didn’t want the smoothie, but I don’t need to risk feeling weak at work. 

  I don’t feel like eating. I don’t have much of an appetite and the empty feeling is comforting when I’m sad. 

  I know I have to though. If Trey came back in a month and I’d lost a bunch of weight, he’d be so sad and disappointed. I weighed in today at 116. Of course, I’m dehydrated and I haven’t eaten much the last two days. When I get home I’m going to try to eat better. If not then, then tomorrow. 

  During the semester, my weight went between 120-124 lbs. 115 is probably the lowest I should be and it’s the lowest said he’d want to see me. I’ll eat better and I’m going to continue to do weights and stuff while he’s gone so I’ll keep my muscles up and I’ll try to eat normally too. 

  It just sucks… I’m really sad and lonely and I just want Trey back and to have him cuddle me. He’d cook me something up and we’d eat together and laugh and have a good time. I just want him back… 

  31 more days… I’mma stop now. I already started my make up for work and if I cry it’ll mess up the mascara I put on.. Later

  • 5:19 pm
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