I survived my surgery. They had some trouble getting my IV in, but after three failed attempts they just put me under with the sleeping gas and poked me another four times (judging from the needle marks on my arms and hands) before getting it to work. My anesthesiologist was rather cute No worries though, I know where my heart is. When he told me to just breath and think happy thoughts, I pictured Trey

I woke up and they have me a shot in the ass for the pain... that was pleasant. They also gave me a large prescription of hydro/oxy, some nasal spray to keep my nasal cavities moist, and an anti-nausea in case I started vomiting really badly, but I didn't.. thank God! The anti-nausea pill wasn't taken orally... so I really didn't want to take it lol.

My Mom went back on her word and wouldn't take me over to Trey's after my surgery like she promised because she was afraid of the traffic. Meaning, I had to wait until my Dad got home for work to take me. When my Dad dropped me off with Trey and his parents he went over my instructions and I crashed lol. I slept from pretty much after the surgery until 8am the next morning. Then I got up, showered, and finally ate! I didn't eat a thing Tuesday, I just slept. After my cereal, I fell asleep again. Then woke up and had some coffee. Then went back to sleep. Then I woke up and Trey made me eggs, then before I could fall asleep again Trey's parents got home and we went to a liquor store so they could pick out some wines for Thanksgiving dinner.

The cashier person at the liquor store kept looking at me funny and it ticked me off badly. I bet she thought I was drunk... I wasn't drunk I was tired and doped up on pain killers. Dumb lady.

Then we went by the mall to pick up my ring because it was done getting sized! ^.^ My finger isn't naked anymore!

I need to go shower now, but I'll do a part two to this. Part two will be more feisty and ranty, thanks to my "lovely" sister.

I have surgery on my nose today to fix a deviated septum. I discovered it when I was thirteen but I didn't want to get it fixed until I was officially out of cheer for fear it'd get broken again.
I'm not afraid of the surgery, but I'm sooo ready to get it over with.
Oh, and I'm not allowed to eat prior to the surgery or drink anything. Thank God Trey took me out to Crazy Hibachi last night for dinner. We did the mongolian style and ordered way too much sushi! Lol, oh my God, it was so much food but is was so good. I wasn't even able to finish all of mine. I had to get a to go box. Not being able to eat breakfast and have coffee this morning with Trey sucked. And the coffee smelled like Jesus! It was torture lol.
I'm at school for now. I'm going to my history class, then leaving about 15 minutes early so I can meet my Mom at one of the drop off spots. She'll drive me to the place and hang there until I'm done. Then she's dropping me off with Trey for him to have to take care of me lol.
My sister wants me to go to dinner with her since she's in town. I might try to, but only if I'm feeling up to it. Otherwise, I told her I could go out with her Friday or Saturday night since I won't be working this weekend. The doctor said physically I'd be okay to work, but because of all the pain meds they're going to have me on, Cajun's won't want me there lol.
How awesome is that? The first full weekend I've ever had off since I started working at Cajun's over two years ago and I'm going to spend it drugged up and lonely (Trey will be at work).
Gah, food sounds so good right now. Thank God I don't normally deprive myself of food like this anymore. Tis not fun. I also would kill for some coffee. I really want some. Or heck, I'd settle for some milk or some of the liptons iced diet green tea.. that stuff's amazing. Or a rockstar recovery... or just some water. I feel so deprived lol. Ooh, starbucks has these little fruit and yogurt parfait they sell.. that sounds heavenly... Damn this sucks.
I guess I'm going to stop talking since now all I'm doing is fantasizing about food...
Oh, and my tummy just grumbled. Grrr.

Well, keep me in your prayers and/or wish me luck. I guess I'm heading off to my history class then two hours from now I'll be heading to the otorhinolaryngology place.

Hey, so Trey and I are trying to figure out where to go for our honeymoon. Well, more so I'm trying to figure it out.

He says he doesn't care because he wants to see the whole world as it is, so he's leaving it totally up to me.

I've always wanted to go to Ireland, but I'm not sure if I want to spend my honeymoon there.

I know we're going to travel a lot, so it's not like this is going to be my only big trip with Trey.

I want to go some place where I can legally drink. Granted I'm not going to be partying or getting drunk on my honeymoon, but a glass of wine with dinner or a fruity cocktail or something sounds nice.

I'm kind of giving thought to Italy, or Germany would be kind of cool because it sounds interesting, plus I know Trey wants to go there someday.

Anyways, the point of this post is to get opinions, advice, and suggestions! So give me your opinion... you know everyone has an opinion.

Oh, and you could recommend this if you wanted to, that way I could get as much feed back as possible

PLEASE&THANKYOU!

You would probably get a vlog update if it wasn't for the fact that made laptop is dead and I'm on my Dad's laptop.

I'm fucking livid!

*Oh, and as a warning, if you're offended by cursing, you might want to walk away.. because this post is going to be full of it.*

I found a letter for me that came in the mail Friday from the place where my car got towed. I have yet to pick it up or sell it because my Dad's working on trying to find a place to sell it to (for scraps).

"We have in our possession a vehicle listing you as owner/lien holder, such vehicle was towed to our storage lot on 11/08/11. It is our intent to notify you that you are legally liable for tow services, administrative fees, and storage fees. Our storage firm claims a first priority possessory lien on the vehicle and its contents for all of such charges. Please contact us as soon as possible. Monday through Friday 8am to 6pm and Saturday 9am-2pm."

Ummmm.... WHAT IN THE ABSOLUTE FUCK!

I'm sorry no.

Fuck no!

I won't be paying you for this storage fee because you failed to inform me of it when you towed it that night or when I called to check on it.

If I had been informed when you took my car that I was going to have to pay for every fucking day you had it, I would've had it towed to my parents driveway instead of your rinky-dink tow shop.

If you think Monday mornings suck, you're about to have suck redefined.

I will be calling first thing in the fucking morning tomorrow to inform you that I will most certainly not be paying your storage fee and that you Goddamn bastards can't legally hold me to it because I wasn't informed of this charge. So you fucktards can go fuck yourself with a rabid porcupine because I'm not paying any storage charges. I will pay for the towing fee and for the normal administrative fees, but since you dumbasses weren't considerate enough to tell me I was being charged every goddamn fucking day for my car being there you're screwed, 'cause I'm not paying a damn penny. You should've had me sign something or given me a note or something explaining the charges or verbally fucking told me! So a major fuck you to all you cunts and bastards. Dick heads.

They better hope they've had their coffee that morning because as soon as the clock hits eight o'clock they're going to have an absolutely livid little girl to deal with. I may be little but don't underestimate me...

I have a short temper and hot Irish blood.

I will go off on you.

I don't want to sleep.

I'm at my parents house tonight because I was asked to work in the nursery at my (parents) church this Sunday. I was actually asked two Sundays ago (the 6th), which was before I totaled my car (the 8th), so when I was at church with my parents and Trey last Sunday (the 13th ) because my parents wanted to announce our engagement with both of us there... the lady double checked that I would be there and without even thinking I said yes.. before I remembered I didn't have a ride. So instead of making Trey drive me to church on the other side of town, I had my Dad pick me up from work and I'm just going with them to church tomorrow.

Bad idea.

The last two nights I've barely slept. Two nights ago I had a bad dream and woke up, after that I didn't sleep well, but I dozed in and out of sleep the rest of the night.

Last night I had a bad dream/flash back. Unfortunately I didn't jerk awake which would've woken Trey.. I say unfortunately because then he would've been able to comfort me and help me get back to sleep. Instead I woke up almost paralyzed in fear. I spent the rest of the night starring at the ceiling waiting for morning.

I don't think I slept more than three hours last night...

I'm so freakin' exhausted right now, but I don't want to sleep. I'm afraid to sleep.

I don't want to have a bad dream or a flashback.. especially by myself.

I've grown accustomed to sleeping next to Trey.

I've gotten used to his warmth and using him as a pillow and cuddling up to him.

And I want the comfort of knowing he's going to be there for me if I need him.

I really want to be with him now, I want him to hold me.

He makes me feel safe.

I also want my ring back. It's getting sized. We dropped it off after church last Sunday and they said they'd call when it was ready... My finger is naked and I don't like it. I got used to wearing it also.

The exhaustion is getting to me too. It's making my coping skills weaker. I don't want to deal with memories or dreams or flashbacks. I don't have the energy to do so.

What also sucks is my laptop charger is at the apartment (with all my cds) and my battery is only going to last so long. When I packed my stuff for overnight I didn't realize I was going to have such a fear of sleeping.. so I'm going to lose my music in just a little bit. Flyleaf, paramore, bullet for my valentine, and basshunter help me. They make me feel better. I need my music.

Grrr. I guess I'm going to paint my nails now. I just want to not be sleepy and to be with Trey. I'd cuddle the fuck out of him if I could.

The first three our from the 15th...

I was in the student center working on my research paper right before the first draft was due (rushing only to find out it was postponed until a whole week later....)

And it was pouring down rain that morning.. so Trey gave me his jacket from the car to wear I think I look cute in his army stuff  ^.^

This was much needed,  by the way...

Then this morning...

I didn't sleep well two nights ago due to a bad dream and yesterday was a repeat of that. I needed coffee this morning.

"What you lookin' at?"

"This is what is going to get me through the day."

Ha... I'm cross-eyed

Even though I spent more than half the night awake starring at the ceiling waiting for morning to come, I can still look cute in the morning.

... might do a real post soon.

Don't you hate when you have bad dreams that leave you in a funk.

And you don't fully remember them when you wake up, you just know parts and that it was bad.

Then it hits you in the shower with a bad scene or a phrase and you crumble.

Then you're just stuck in the shower, crying to yourself.

Yeah... I hate that.

I arrived at school today around 7:45am because Trey has an eight o' clock class. After parting from him, I headed to the computer lab in the library to get print some stuff off and wait for him to get out of class so I can meet up with him at the gym.

When I enter the library I see that the lab doesn't open until 8:00am so I decide to go to the student center to grab a drink from the book store. As I'm walking through the sudexo on my way down stairs, I notice this young girl sitting by herself. She's not sickly thin, but she's little. She's dressed in baggy clothes and her semi-frizzy hair is pulled back in a messy ponytail. She looks pale and her cheeks appear to be a little puffy.

I instantly know what's going on.

I notice there are two empty takeout boxes pushed to the side and she's drinking on a large mocha frappuncinno. She looks zoned out, like she's been drained of everything. You can see a hint of fear in her eyes and there isn't an ounce of happiness present.

I walk on trying not to stare at her too much. After purchasing my citrus green tea from downstairs, I make my way back up stairs. I pass by where the young girl sat only perhaps ten or fifteen minutes ago and I notice she is no longer there. Not even a minute later I see her emerging from the bathroom. She doesn't have that fear in her eyes anymore. As she walks I can see she's shaking ever so lightly.

I don't even know this girl, but I want to help her. Despite the fact that she probably thinks she has everyone fooled and no one knows what's going on, people see it. I just hope someone who loves her and knows her well enough will notice and take action. You can't get better unless you want to, but having someone there to tell you they love you and you deserve to be healthy definitely helps. They'll try to push them away, but it still helps.

There isn't anything I can do to help that young girl I saw this morning. But I'll say a prayer for her and for all the other girls out there who thinks no one notices.

So moving most ways hurts my sternum.

If I'm lying down I can't breathe without pain.

If I try to get up from lying down MAJOR PAIN!

If I cough, sneeze, or even laugh it hurts.

Looking over my shoulder hurts.

Reaching down or leaning back (like to pop my back) hurts.

Taking a deep breath hurts.

Standing up from a sitting position hurts.

When I say it hurts, I'm talking a 9 out of 10 on a pain scale.

It wasn't this bad at first, but it's gotten worse and it even hurts when I'm just breathing... that's not something I'm willing to give up.

I hate to do it, but I've finally broken down and I'm allowing Trey to take me to the doctors this morning. I guess I'll have my chest x-rayed for broken or fractured ribs or sternum. There won't be much they can do to fix it aside from some pain killers or muscle relaxers but I've gotten to the point I don't give a fuck, if they can make it were I don't want to cry just from laughing or coughing, I'll take it.

Yesterday Trey and I headed up to Hot Springs which is about an hour away from my house. I wanted to go up there to throw Richards' class ring into the lake up there (Lake Ouachita, that is). It was 5:30 when we left and beginning to get dark, but I'd been up there several times and along with my mapquested directions, I figured we could find it fairly easily. As we made our way up there, it began to sprinkle. Then rain. Then rain cat and dogs. Then it began pouring down as if we were under a waterfall. Brady Mountain Road, the road right before you get to the lake, is really windy and hilly. The rain was so bad I could barely see the road and I'll be honest... I should've been driving a little slower. I was going between 25 and 30 mph. I just wanted to get there, toss that assholes' ring in the lake, and then I figured I'd just wait the storm out with Trey in the car before proceeding back. I should've stopped and waited for it to pass, but I didn't.

Trey was talking about a strange dream he had last night which was quite funny. I made a comment about being surprised I could stand up this morning because I spent the whole night awake, curled up in a ball. I didn't really get any sleep last night.. my mind was preoccupied. Next thing I really remember is swerving out of control, glancing over at Trey as he tensed himself preparing for impact, and then seeing this big tree right in my path. I tried to hit the breaks and turn the car...

*BAM*

My car crashed into the tree head on.

The airbags deployed and my body slammed into them.. or visa versa.

This smell began to fill the car and there was smoke everywhere. Just a few seconds later I hear Trey shout, "Get out of the car! Get out now!" Without even thinking I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened my door and gravity yanked me down. I hit some tree limps on the way down, then splashed into water.

I was in shock. The wind hand been knocked out of me. My arms hurt and I began to realize what had just happened.

I had just wrecked my car into a tree. My car was resting on a ledge that dropped about 5 feet into a creek.

As I laid there in the water, shaking and waiting for time to allow me to breath again, I heard Trey shout my name. He shouted it two or three times before I was able to reply "I'm down here." I made my way around my car and up out of the creek to access the damage. After checking out the hood I began to hyperventilate. "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!" Trey held me and tried to calm me down.

Apparently I hydroplaned, tried to swerve some, screamed, and then I tried to break right before we hit the tree but it was pointless.. my car didn't have any traction.

Then I thought of my parents. "Oh my God, I'm going to be in so much trouble!" Despite the fact that I had bought the car with my own money and paid for everything myself, they were going to be pissed. Thank God just a few minutes later a gentleman drove by and stopped to help us. We didn't have cell service there so he drove us up the mountain some and called the police for us and Trey called his parents. Later we called mine and we got them to head up to pick us up. It took the police almost two hours to get there.

My car was totaled. Trey was sweet and comforted me. He hit his bad knee on the dash and has a little bruise from that, but aside from that he seems fine. I got roughed up a little, but I don't know. My forearms are bruised from hitting the steering wheel, I have a little whip lash, and my chest is killing me. If I take a deep breath or laugh or hunch my shoulders in it hurts really badly. I probably either bruised my pecs or cracked my sternum, but whatever. Oh, and the lateral (outside) tendons and ligaments in my right foot hurt some, but I really don't care. Heck, if I could take it all back and do it again (well, and I had to crash again) I would make sure I swerved right more so it'd just been my side hitting the tree. It'd done less damage to the car and Trey wouldn't have gotten banged up at all. I don't care what it did to me. I hate myself for putting him in danger like that. I was irresponsible and if something would've happened to him, I'd never forgive myself.

I don't think my cars repairable. It'll probably just be sold for scraps. Trey said he'll help me get a new one, but I keep telling him it was my car and my fault and he shouldn't have to help me buy a new car. He's being stubborn though and insisting. It's really sweet, but I'm just like "What the heck, I totaled my car and almost killed you in the process and now you're wanting to help me buy another car?! I should be doing something sweet for you to make it up to you, not the other way around!"

My chest and forearms have some swelling to them. I have a bruise on my shoulder and knee and a scrape on the back of my left arm. My chest is killing me, and my foot makes me a gimp.. but I'll live. I'll just have to bum rides for a little bit. I'll just be riding to school with Trey for a while and he said he can take me to work and leave a little early to pick me up. I hate to impose on him so much.. especially considering it was my fault.

I haven't gotten the final say on my car yet, but I'm pretty sure it's totaled.

((((

I'm just so glad Trey didn't get hurt. I really didn't care what happened to me. Besides, he has military training to the point he would have been able to stabilize or fix any type of injury. I guess considering how accident prone I am, it's a good thing I have a guy that's been trained to remain calm in emergency and is trained in medical emergencies.

Someone has to be the calm one in a situation like that and clearly that's not going to be me... I'm apparently going to be the panicked person over on the side hyperventilating!

We finally got home a little after eleven. I showered off, since smelled like creek and then we had a drink and went to bed.

It was a looooonnnggg day.