Sounds like Mallard Fillmore's been talking with Dell

Okay, so I did my Q & A vlog last evening, but it took forever to upload so after two hours I had to call it quits and get some shut eye. None the less, I'm able to post it this morning so here goes.

Oh and as mentioned, I'm tagging everyone I mention in the video so... @opticalnoise, @beautifullymindedx, @chuellesee, @malestop, @xbrokenxbeautifulxsmilex, @under_the_carpet, @sf2slc, @Randy7777, @willjogforicecream, @rachhaaeell, @hopethatitglows, @confessionsandsecrets, @unrevealedtruth_xo .

So last night we were pretty slow at work and I texted my Mom while I was checking the bathroom.

"Hey, just curious, can you tell I've gained any weight? And be honest."

"A very tiny bit."

"Thank you for being honest I can see it in my booty a little, in my arms a little, and in my face some. I think it makes my face look cuter "

Definitely, that gaunt look isn't good,"

"Lol"

I'd noticed earlier that day that my arms seemed more muscular than before and a couple days ago I'd noticed my face looked cuter.. I figured out it was because it was more filled out and not so sunken in. For the longest time I haven't had an ass... AT ALL; now I'm beginning to see a very slight curve there. It's nice.

I'm also really glad my Mom was honest with me; it's nice to know she thinks I'm stable enough to be able to handle the truth . I don't want to be thought of as fragile or for people to think they have to protect me.

I haven't even gained that much weight. I'm between 95 and 97 lbs, but I'm not keeping a close eye on it. I guess when I think back to last fall on how I weighed 84-85 it's a big difference, but I actually like the difference. My legs are stronger and have more muscles; my arms aren't just bones anymore, they actually have muscle; it's still small but you can actually see a very slight curve to my ass, where as before it looked as though my legs ran into my back lol; and my face definitely look a lot cuter. I have energy and my personality shines more. I don't feel so isolated or excluded around people. My eyes have that shine again about them. I'm not afraid of as many food; I mean sure, there are still some things I won't eat but I'm making a lot of progress.

I bought ice cream sandwiches at the store today, yesterday I had a hamburger from wendys for lunch, I've actually been eating candy on occasion without worrying about measuring out a serving or trying to calculate the calorie content I've consumed. I'm not pigging out by any means, I'm just becoming more relaxed and carefree about eating and about food... it's rather nice.

I would post a picture to show you how cute my face is looking, but I'm at the library (laptop's still down) and I can't upload pictures here.

I start college tomorrow.. I'm pretty excited and a little anxious about that. I have U.S. History (up until 1877), then Comp 1, then Sociology tomorrow (and I'll have that on Tuesdays as well); then I have Anatomy & Physiology on Friday (as well as Monday and Wednesday); and next week on College Algebra on Monday and Wednesday, and I'll have my Anatomy and Physiology Lab on Wednesday. Here's to hoping I don't get lost on campus!

Hey, I first off want to apologize for not doing the Q&A vlog on Monday like I originally planned... I couldn't help it though.

Saturday night my computer got a virus and my Dad cleared it off and we thought it was good to go as of Sunday night. Well, Monday morning I went to get on it and it was doing the same thing and then kind of crashed? So now he's going to try to completely swipe it clean but it's not looking so good right now.

In the mean time I won't be on much, but I'll try to get on when I can and do the answers to my 21 truths and 2 lies post, and hopefully my Dad can get it up and running soon. It'll really suck to not have a laptop going into college. :/

I keep on thinking of stuff I want to write about but I have no way to do it

I have to get off now; but pray, cross your fingers, send wishful thoughts, or whatever you do that my computer gets fixed soon please! I miss being on here!

[6:30pm, in my room, talking with my Dad]

Ah man! I forgot there were some cute baskets on sale at Michaels and I had a coupon that would take 25% off the total including sales items; but the coupon was only good from 1:00-4:00pm!

[8:30pm, in the dining room]

*grabs coupon off the table to throw away in the trash and glances at it* DAMNIT! It was 4:00-8:00pm! Not 1:00-4:00pm!  Gaaaah!

{My Dad then laughs at me}

Way to rub salt in my wound.

So last night my laptop got attacked by some stupid virus thing. Boo. Luckily, my Dad downloaded all my photos, and the majority of my music and he's now rebooting my computer. I'm losing all documents, videos, a bunch of my music, and other stuff but at least it'll be clean and working.

The only way I'm able to be on right now is because I'm on my Dad's laptop. I don't feel comfortable trying to write long/meaningful post here, so instead I'll do this to occupy time.

I'm going to list 21 truths and 2 lies. I'll give it a few days and even time stamp it some to allow all who want to play time to guess which two are the lies. {You can help me out by recommending so I get more participants! } Here goes...

1. I didn't have cable until I was eleven.
2. I've caught my hair on fire before.
3. I'm afraid of dragonflies.
4. I've never been camping.
5. I've never ridden in a taxi.
6. I hate bacon and always have.
7. I'm currently wearing a ankle that I've had on for over two years.
8. I have never had lice.
9. I've ridden in the back of a police car.
10. I once read thirty books in forty days.
11. I cried when my Mom told me Santa Claus wasn't real.
12. I was born on my due date.
13. I'm notorious at ruining chapstick.
14. I've worn soffe shorts and a tank top in the snow before.
15. I've almost been arrested before.
16. I've had a fish poop in my hair before.
17. Caterpillars freak me out.
18. I carved my first pumpkin when I was thirteen.
19. I once had a tick bite my butt.
20. I used to own and wear thongs.
21. I used to have my nose pierced, but it grew in.
22. I've ran away from home before.
23. I've gone to three funerals were I didn't even know the deceased.

TAKE YOUR BEST GUESS! You might be surprised by what you learn about me!

*UPDATE*

Okay, first off, I picked a color, thanks for your opinions. I'll be revealing my choice in my video.

Secondly, I'll be doing the vlog on Monday most likely, so you still have time to hit me up with questions. I've gotten some good ones so far, but would love any more you can think of.

So search your brain for funny, odd, personal, weird, crazy questions while I go have "fun" at work, 'kay?

Okay thanks! You guys rock

***

Hey, so I have two things you guys can do for me.

First, what color should I paint my nails?

[I have a light pink/peach, dark blue, bright orange, copper penny, hot for chocolate (dark brown), hot pink, creme brulee, bright yellow, deep purple, cherry red, shiny teal, black, black with sparkles, taupe/dull purple, and shiny iced copper.] PICK ONE!

And second, I've seen a few people doing Q&A vlogs again and I've been wanting to do another one as well, so ask me anything!

I'm a very open person and I'll answer pretty much anything you ask. I DARE YOU to try to stump me.

There are NO limits. You can ask about being home schooled, college, cheerleading, my work, my past relationship, my past with self-harm, my eating disorder and recovery, my [slightly dysfunctional] family, my morals, that time I discovered the cure for cancer but accidentally spilt juice on the paper and lost all my work...  Okay, maybe that last one didn't really happen, but regardless!

ASK ME ANYTHING! DO IT.. *peer pressure* Do it.

Once I get a sufficient amount of questions I'll record the video and post it for all to see!

*peer pressure* Don't forget to do it.

Okay, so many of you guys know how much I love coffee. I've been addicted to it in the past, but I got back on track/in control for a while. Recently though, I've been drinking a WHOLE LOT of it and it's gotten basically out of hand.

Pretty much, I decided once I was out this time I'd try to quit drinking it for a while, at least until I find I can drink it on a 'one cup a day' basis. I figured it'd be a lot easier for my to resist temptation once there wasn't any temptation left in the house, so now that I've used up the last of the coffee tonight, I'm going to ask my Mom if we can not replace it for a bit. She drinks it occasionally too, which makes me feel bad about asking her to do without also, but I have a feeling she'll be more than willing to since it'll help me out. Besides, she'd be just as happy with diet coke or iced tea.

This is going to really suck. When I say I'm addicted to it, I really mean it's an addiction. I have cravings for it and if I go without it for a while I feel withdrawals. I get headaches, I become cranky, and I've actually had jitters/shakes one night. Tis not fun.

I'm going to try to stick to drinking water (lots and lots of water!), Trop50 apple juice, raspberry ice tea [sugar free], and milk. Oh, and when I'm at work I have iced tea sometimes.

To be honest, I'm already a little nervous about this, but I know in the end I'm going to be a lot better off!

Oh, and if anyone in the United States wants to be a support-text buddy let me know. I have unlimited, but unfortunately it's not international, so only people from the United States please. Unless you want to send me money to cover international texting charges? Haha.

This is going to be tough, wish me luck?

I guess I'll elaborate on my pulse from yesterday a little.

Though first, I want to say thank you to @ArmyWife4Life2007, @lovejennyy, @SentimentalDoll, @Emphatic_Heart, @twloha18, @EqualPacketZzz, @your_paper_heart, @ccrider17, @belleorecluses, @sf2slc for caring... it does mean a lot to me.

Basically, my mother plays favorite. This wouldn't be that bad, except it seems I'm always on the bottom of the list.

Yesterday while at walmart and target, she kept making little comments trying to make me feel bad or guilty. I tried to ignore them, but she was persistant with it and it finally got to me. So I exploded.

She kept complaining about how she was going to miss "So you think you can dance" and how she'd never watch another season again because apparently it's too hard to be able to watch it. I told her not to stress, she still had thirty minutes before it started and we'd be out of here in just a minute. Seriously.. they had gone back to the stock room to get the chair I wanted and as soon as they came out and we paid, we'd be driving home.. which is only a mile away. She'd be home with twenty five minutes to spare. She also kept complaining about me redoing my room. Excuse me for wanting to make this Hell hole of a house a little more tolerable. And this is actually a lot cheaper than putting me in a dorm like you offered to do. Dorms cost around $1,500-$2,000 I'm guessing, right? Making my room/prison a little better has cost $200-300... and part of that expense was the wireless internet extender which Connor wanted also. So that was something I needed and something he'd been wanting for a while. And stated how she would've bought herself a candy bar, but it was no longer in her budget! (Yet, she wouldn't let me buy her one... yeah, she just wanted to complain/make me feel bad.)

While checking out, Connor called wanting to be picked up. [We'd dropped him off before heading to walmart and target.] So she ran to pick him up and continued on with her guilt trip as we drove there until I just snapped... I called her out on all her bull.

How she constantly drops everything to take Connor whereever he wants to go [i.e. walmart, guitar center, best buy, the ice rink, krogers, sports academy..], yet when I have somewhere I actually need to go, you make a big deal out of it.

When Sean needs food she's all "Of course! He's skin and bones! He needs food. Whatever he wants.. it doesn't matter if he has to have the name brand stuff, whatever he wants!" When Erin wants food sent up to her in Fayetteville it's "Sure thing! Let me run to the store and check with Dad to see if he's going up that way soon!" When Connor wants food because there's 'nothing in this house to eat' she'll run him up to the store and buy him whatever junk he wants. DESPITE the fact that she knows he still won't want any of that stuff later on, and he'll want to go get food bought out. Then when I need food it's a huge freakin' deal. "Why not, I'm made of money, aren't I? (sarcasm) *big sigh and huff and puff* Why can't you buy your own food? You're so expensive. *major guilt trip* blah, blah, blah."  Yeah, because that's what the recovering anorexic needs... guilt over needing to eat.

When I have some of my things out of my room because I was redoing it she complained the whole time and bitched at me daily to get my shit out of her rooms. DESPITE the fact that Connor constantly has his crap out and all around the house and Sean has filled several rooms with clutter to where you can hardly walk through. And I'm not exagerating. The rec room is a disaster! There is a very narrow walk way and you can barely get to anything in there. He has a third of the dining room filled with clutter, the "blue bathroom" (which is a half bath) is all his now, he has a whole corner and part of the kitchen table occupied at all time. The living room has some of his crap in it, plus you can't sit on 'his spot' on the couch nor on 'his recliner' or you might get hit. Not to mention he's "claimed" the big bottom compartment in the freezer for his stuff!

I swear, it's like her goal is to make me feel as unwelcome in this house as possible! Yes, I'm eighteen, legally I could move out but that doesn't mean I should be forced out. Especially while Sean still lives here free of charge while he doesn't go to school, has no job nor does he have any plans of getting one, and he's twenty one and half freakin' years old!!! I mean seriously!? How is that fair! I just turned eighteen in April, I work 23-24 hours a week, and I'll be starting college next week.

Yeah, I have a job, but that doesn't mean I could afford to get my own place, especially since I'll be reducing my hours when I start school. Not to mention I don't have credit because I just got my credit card in June so I've only began building that, and the only place I'd be able to afford would be crappy and in an unsafe area.

So once we got back home (still with 5-10 minutes to spare before her stupid show started) I went straight to my room where I basically allowed myself to fall apart. I saw I had a couple of different bottles in my floor... alieve, ibuprofen, tylenol arthritis, some melatonin, and some hydrocodone [from my wisdom teeth last year]. I didn't even think about it for more than half a second, but still the thought did run across my mind I will admit. Then I got a really strong urge to cut. I'd been two hundred fifty something days clean last April when I slipped up and had a tiny relapse for about a week, but I manage to get back on track quickly. I was so angry and upset and all the sucky situation with my mother kept running through my head. I honestly wanted to completely destroy my arm/wrist.

Yesterday was day 97 clean...

Today's day 98.

I didn't do it for my mother... I did it for myself.

I also ate dinner despite having lost my appetite from all the drama.

[Joseph] Let's go streaking Lol jk!

[Me] Hahaha! Not a chance, with my luck I'd trip on wet cement and either get all scraped up... Or die. Either are likely.

1.) There's no wet cement because I go at east campus to reduce my chances of arrest
2.) You are clumsy!

1) Good to know.
2) Tis very true!

Do it anyway! Just not in the daytime!

So after work?

Si!

Yayza! I have plans tonight!

Hahaha! But shhh! Don't tell anyone!

Oops... So putting it on facebook was a no-no?

You didn't?!

Haha, of course not. Though it would be courteous of me to give fair warning.. I'd hate to scar someone for life lol.

Lol oh shush! We're not THAT wretched looking!

Speak for yourself

I promise you'll make me look bad!

Lol! I have an idea, how about I were a penguin suite instead?!

NO!

Do you wanna wear one too? O_o

Hahaha! No!

But we could WADDLE across the field?!

I'll do that anyways! Haha

Ahahahahahahahahaha! I love Joseph and my text-conversations! XD