July 9, 2013

  • Survey again.. I think this one was from @icecat123

    01: tell me the truth, what made you start liking theperson you like right now?

    He was sweet and respectful and caring and cute and reallynice. JSo a lot of things! Lol

    02: what on your body is hurting or bothering you?

    Nothing really.

    03: what was your last thought before going to bed lastnight?

    It’s warm… but I also want to cuddle up with Trey.. meh, I’lldeal with the warmth for cuddles. :3

    04: what are you listening to?

    My ceiling fan.

    05: what’s something you’re not looking forward to?

    I have to close both Friday and Saturday.

    06: where do you think your best friend is right now?

    Helping with VBS maybe.

    07: have you kissed anybody in the last five days?

    Yesh

    08: sex on the first date?

    No thank you!

    09: kiss on the first date?

    Possibly. I haven’t personally, but I wouldn’t say doing sois a no-no.

    10: is there one person you want to be with right now?

    Yeah, but they’re at work, so it’s okay.

    11: are you seriously happy with where you are in life?

    I’m content. Things aren’t bad, but I do think the futureholds better, brighter things (:

    12: is there something you would like to say tosomeone?

    You’re kind of loco...

    13: what are three things you did today?

    Tumbled, went to the gym at the air base, watch some war reenactmentwith Trey.

    14: would you rather sleep at a friend’s or have them over?

    Probably the friend’s house.

    15: what is your favorite kind of gum?

    Wrigley’s watermelon, Wrigley’s 5 Rain & tinglingspearment & cooling peppermint, and stride

    16: are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/girlfriends?

    Nope. I only have one ex and I wouldn’t be his friend in amillion years

    17: what is on your wrists right now?

    A pony tail

    18: ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand achance with?

    Yeah, because he was four years older than me. Turned out, Idid get a chance… wish I hadn’t have though.

    19: does anyone have strong feelings for you?

    I think they do (:

    20: are you slowly drifting away from someone?

    I don’t think I am.

    21: have you ever wasted your time on someone?

    Yep, that ex I was speaking of.

    22: can you do the alphabet in sign language?

    Yes! I took ASL1 last semester! :D It was awesome.

    23: how have you felt today?

    Excited, thrilled, wonderful, cheerful, a little frustrated,and energetic

    24: you receive £60 without any reason, what do youspend it on?

    It’d probably end up going towards gas and groceries. Yeah,I get wild XP

    25: what is wrong with you right now?

    … I didn’t know there was anything wrong with me? ):

    26: is there anyone you’re really disappointed in?

    At the moment, no. But just throughout life… myself.

    27: would you rather have starbucks or jamba juiceright now?

    STARBUCKS!!!

    28: why aren’t you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore?

    cause he’s a pedophile creep ass.

    29: how late did you stay up last night and why?

    10-10:30ish, because Trey was gaming and I started tiny chatto kill time.

    30: when was the last time you talked to one of yourbest friends?

    I saw an old friend today!

    31: what were you doing an hour ago?

    Eating my protein smoothie with a spoon xp

    32: what are you looking forward to in the next month?

    Nothing too much going on

    33: are you wearing jeans right now?

    Sort of. They’re shorts and they look like denim, but I’mnot sure the actual material.

    34: are you a patient person?

    Heh, not really.

    35: do you think you can last in a relationship forthree months?

    My current and longest relationship is 1 year and 9 monthsand counting (the first and shortest was 8 months), so yes.

    36: favorite color?

    Pink… or bright blue.. maybe purple.

    37: did you have a dream last night?

    Yeah, I usually do.

    38: are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, orpajama pants?

    Shorts… I should switch to pajama pants though!

    39: if someone could be cuddling you right now, whowould you want it to be?

    Trey :3

    40: do you love anyone who is not related to you?

    Yes!!

    41: if someone liked you right now, would you want themto tell you?

    Umm.. I guess. That way I’d be aware and I could make surethey realized I was taken and there was no hope.

    42: do you like meeting new people?

    Meh, depends.

    43: are you afraid of falling in love?

    Maybe in the past, but not now.

    44: ever self-harmed or starved yourself?

    Both :/ But I’m better now and I don’t do that anymore.

    45: has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?

    Yesh, they have :3

    46: have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?

    A lot! I’m working on that now. 

July 8, 2013

July 7, 2013

  • Beautiful little poem

    Hey little fighter ,
    Please drop your handy lighter
    Give me your razors ..
    Now please lift up your sleeves .
    Your scars may stay but that doesn't mean your bruises won't fade away .
    Now please eat , because , angel you're worth something to me .
    So take it in .... take it in
    And breathe ..
    Know that things do get better ..
    Because , darling , even in this gloomy weather ..
    It can't rain forever ♥
    Not mine. A friend on facebook posted it. I don't know if it's hers or she saw it somewhere, and I can't find the source online, so yeah. 

  • Wow... The Nursery today.. just wow

    So when I work the nursery I am technically supposed to have a helper in there with me (for assistance and probably legal reasons too), so my Mom came back because I had two kids. I've never had them before, but one was Kallie (2 yrs old) and one was DeShawn (who's birthday was today and he was 5 yrs). They come with their grandma who's has them (and six other kids) every other weekend. 
    Shortly after, I got Sam (who's an only child and really good at entertaining himself; he's a sweetheart) and Chase (who've I've never had, but he was there with his grandma). Chase's grandma stayed too since Chase wanted her to.
    Kallie, Chase, and Sam were all great. Kallie was an angel. 
    DeShawn, however... he kept throwing toys down, yelling, refusing to share, and he was very angry and defiant. After throwing a fit about having to wait his turn for a toy, I finally got him distracted with coloring. After 5 minutes, he started throwing the crayons up and making a big mess. I told him if he did that he'd have to pick them up. 
    Since we had about 10 minutes left, I suggested we start picking up and he through a fit! He yelled at me when I nicely asked him to help clean up, things like "I don't want to", "NOOOOO!", "I'm not gonna". I showed how Kallie was helping and offered to help him clean up but explained that I wasn't going to do it all for him. He ran off and started trying to color on his shirt, a table, and a drum so I finally had to take the crayon from him. I explained that part of playing with things is picking them up when we're finished and if we don't pick stuff up when we're done, we might not be able to play with them later when we come back. I asked him, nicely but assertively, to come help me pick the crayons up and he started screaming and crying. -.-
    Ms. Deanne had just walked in to see if anyone wanted to go to Communion real quick, but instead she went over to the rocking chair to talk to him. She ended up rocking him to get him to calm down. Then Sam slipped and hurt his knee and he was crying. *facepalm* While holding Kallie, I checked on him and after a few minutes he calmed down. 
    Overall, it was a busy Sunday. But my Mom told me that Chase's grandma had commented to her that I was handling DeShawn very well and she was impressed. Yay :D Considering I don't have a lot of experience with defiant kids, I'll take it! 
    From what Ms. Deanna told me (she knows the grandmother), their home life might be a little hectic. I don't know much about it, but from just today I can tell he has some anger issues and defiance issues. I think part of it is for attention perhaps, but I don't know. He's a handful, but I wouldn't mind having him every other Sunday (since that's when his grandma had him), because I think coming to church could benefit him. 

June 28, 2013

  • Survey stolen from @msfatale

    • 1.Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? That was my Mom... so HELL NO.
    • 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Once again, Hell NO!
    • 3. Have you taken someones virginity? Nope
    • 4. Is trust a big issue for you? Hmm, it depends. I'm pretty trusting, unless you give me reasons not to trust.
    • 5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? Not in the last month sadly :(
    • 6. What are you excited for? Trey getting back from Germany tomorrow!!
    • 7. What happened tonight? Well, it's not night yet, but last night I watched tv and went to bed early and tonight is likely to be similar lol.
    • 8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? If it's on a regular basis, it's trashy, but every once in a while is understandle, I suppose.
    • 9. Is confidence cute? Yesh
    • 10. What is the last beverage you had? I'm currently sipping on a cup of coffee.
    • 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? 1
    • 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? No
    • 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? That's when Trey gets back :) ))
    • 14. What are you going to spend money on next? Either gas or dinner Saturday night
    • 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? Yep
    • 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Possibly
    • 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Hmm, I guess Trey
    • 18. The last time you felt broken? I think it was on the 18th of 19th this month
    • 19. Have you had sex today? No
    • 20. Are you starting to realize anything? I guess... that's kind of vague.
    • 21. Are you in a good mood? Yeah, pretty good mood.
    • 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? Not unless they were caged.
    • 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? I want to say his are more green than my brown/hazel-green eyes
    • 24. What do you want right this second? Trey here and a better fan in my room.
    • 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? I'd be furious and I'd probably say something along the lines of "What the fuck was that?!" Lol
    • 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Yep
    • 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? I don't think so, laughter is important :)
    • 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? Sadly, I can't remember. I know I laughed a bunch when I skyped Trey on Monday.
    • 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? Yes! Have you not been paying attention... fiance's been away for a month and I'm super excited about his return.. so yes, I'd say I truly do miss someone right now.
    • 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Not everyone.
    • 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? In person was my little brother, Connor- I'm not super fond of him but he's my brother so I love him. Last boy I skype/IM'd with was Trey and I definitely don't hate him :)
    • 32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Considering we're engaged, probably.
    • 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? No, every once in a while I have a soda, but it's not a regular-basis thing.
    • 34. Listening to? Law and Order: SVU on tv
    • 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Yes
    • 36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? Somewhere in Dusseldorf, Germany having dinner with a friend who's Russian.
    • 37. Do you believe in love at first sight? I don't know
    • 38. Who did you last call? I think it was work, telling them I was there and needed to be let in lol
    • 39. Who was the last person you danced with? Umm, I zumba'd with Heather on Tuesday, does that count? 
    • 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because I love them and they were leaving for Germany for a month.
    • 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? It's been a while, sadly.
    • 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? Not yet, no.
    • 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Ehh, probably.
    • 44. Do you tan in the nude? Nope! There's a parking lot above/behind my backyard... not safe! (Though I wouldn't regardless.)
    • 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? Definitely not.
    • 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? Nope
    • 47. Who was the last person to call you? My Mom
    • 48. Do you sing in the shower? Very rarely.
    • 49. Do you dance in the car? Only if the song is awesome and I'm hyper lol
    • 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? I tried once and sucked.
    • 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? 18th birthday/graduation photos
    • 52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Sort of.
    • 53. Is Christmas stressful? Only when it comes to figuring out plans between Trey's family and mine.
    • 54. Ever eat a pierogi? piero-whaty??
    • 55. Favorite type of fruit pie? PUMPKIN!!
    • 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Stay-at-home-mom, cook, psychologist, photographer
    • 57. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes
    • 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Not really
    • 59. Take a vitamin daily? No, but occasionally.
    • 60. Wear slippers? Rarely
    • 61. Wear a bath robe? Nah, just a towel
    • 62. What do you wear to bed? A t-shirt and my panties
    • 63. First concert? Technically, Beach Boys but I only vagely remember it. Hillary Duff is the first I fully remember
    • 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Walmart
    • 65. Nike or Adidas? My new running shoes are Nikes and they're amazing!
    • 66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Meh, neither
    • 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Peanuts or both!
    • 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? Not really a huge fan, but there are some that are all right
    • 69. Ever take dance lessons? I took dance for two years, starting when I was 2 yrs. but really I just did cartwheels and flips lol
    • 70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Well, he's in the Army and wanting to be a PA or MD soooo doctor, I guess xp
    • 71. Can you curl your tongue? Yeah
    • 72. Ever won a spelling bee? I was homeschooled, so no, but I also never participated in one.
    • 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes
    • 74. What is your favorite book? That's hard. 
    • 75. Do you study better with or without music? Without, I'm easily distracted.
    • 76. Regularly burn incense? nope
    • 77. Ever been in love? Currently am :)
    • 78. Who would you like to see in concert? Rammstein!
    • 79. What was the last concert you saw? ...Hillary Duff when I was 11 lol
    • 80. Hot tea or cold tea? Either, but cold right now because it's hot out!
    • 81. Tea or coffee? Coffee! Definitely.
    • 82. Favorite type of cookie? Oatmeal raisin
    • 83. Can you swim well? Yeah
    • 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes
    • 85. Are you patient? It depends what about.. but usually, no lol.
    • 86. DJ or band, at a wedding? I don't know... I've only been to two weddings.
    • 87. Ever won a contest? Yes
    • 88. Ever have plastic surgery? Nope
    • 89. Which are better black or green olives? Black
    • 90. Opinions on sex before marriage? It happens
    • 91. Best room for a fireplace? Living room
    • 92. Do you want to get married? Yes, and lucky for me, I already found the right guy.

June 22, 2013

  • Weird dream..

    I had a dream that my tattoo on my left wrist, the recovery one, faded away! :(  

    Like you could barely see where it used to be. I was really, really sad & I was freaking out. I was like, how in the world did that happen! I was thinking it might have had something to so with laying out in the sun (I've been doing that a lot recently), like I know the sun can lighten/bleach your hair some, but I never heard of it making a tattoo fade all the way away. (And I also realize that it will fade tattoos a little, but not to the point where they'd be completely gone.) I was trying to get a hold of Trey but I couldn't reach him. 
    Anyways, it was really weird. I like my tattoos. 
    That's all. 

June 21, 2013

  • Project complete!! :D

    So I saw something on the computer almost two years ago and thought it looked cool. 

    In the beginning of 2012, I sort of started working on the list. It was during my "Theater and Dance" class and we were watching a musical, so I just started doodling and then made 1-19 of reasons why I love Trey. 
    I think I saw the idea on pinterest, but I looked for it today and couldn't locate it. 
    Basically, you get a deck of cards, a hole puncher, book rings, and some white labels (optional). Make a list of 52 things you love about someone or 52 reasons you love someone and get creative...
    I found my list in progress while cleaning my room recently and figured I'd finish it and have it as a surprise for when Trey gets back from Germany :)
    I completed the list a week or two ago and today I started and completed the actual project. 
    Like I said, deck of cards and labels...
    After you get the labels on (if you choose to use them), you want to punch holes in 'em. I suggest begin with one card and then use it to make the rest. Also, unless you have a really good hole punch, you probably only want to do 3 at a time (1 that's already punched, that you're using to judge location on and two that are getting holes added). 
    When you're done you just stick then on the book rings and pray you got them all even! (Luckily, I did!)
    Now you're all ready to add your reasons/things. 
    Cover page!
    This is my first page :) I used the joker cards as front and back covers sort of...
    And the last "cover page". 
    Obviously that was only six of the reasons, but it'd take way too long for me to upload the rest on here lol. 
    I'm really excited to give it to Trey :) I mentioned working on a project to him but he has no idea what it is :) )
    A week from tomorrow I will be picking him up at the airport with his Mom in the afternoon! 
    I open that morning (per request, so I'll be able to get to his house in time to ride with his Mom to the airport) and I'm telling you, that is going to be the slowest 4 hour shift in the world! Lol, I'm excited. I've got a fairly busy week ahead of me and then Saturday will be here and I'll go to work, then come home and eat, then get ready and head to his house so that I arrive at 3:30pm and we'll leave at 4pm and his plain is due in at 4:54pm... then I'll get to tackle him in a humongous hug! :) )) 
    I'm excited! Anyways, I need to be getting to bed soon so that's all for now

June 20, 2013

  • Some babbling a/b today & I'm not pathetic xp

    So I did get up at 6:30 and go to the gym this morning. 

    I ran a mile but started feeling a little sick ( I had a little glass of milk 20-30 minutes before I began running, so that might've caused it... I thought maybe since it was lactose free it'd be okay, but I guess not). So I stopped at one because I didn't want to push myself too much. 
    Then I went to the weight room and did a good amount of arm, back, and pec work outs, and I finished up with some abs. 
    Then I went home, showered, ate breakfast, and headed to work. 
    I felt crappy the whole time. Like I'm either getting a summer cold or something. I've had pressure headaches the last couple of nights (note, normally it's just at night, but it was there this morning too for some reason) and my head felt kind of warm and clammy. I was so happy when I go to leave.
    I got to talk to Trey a little which was good. We were talking about how each other's day had gone and well... 
    Let's just say he made me laugh and put a big smile on my face lol
    After he got off to go to bed (7 hours ahead over there), I headed to kroger's to pick up my prescription. 
    I noticed instead of it being 10mg as Tara had mentioned on the 4th, it was 20mg. Thought that was odd, but it's whatever. I'm assuming it's because I mentioned how I'd felt more depressed and just lethargic the last two weeks. I don't really care though.. I mean, I've been on 40 mg before so 20mg isn't a big deal. 
    Aside from feeling ill-ish earlier, I've been feeling a little better today (not saying it's the medicine though since I didn't even take it until just recently today), but I think that has more to do with going and working out this morning and feeling accomplished. Plus, I've been busy and that helps too. So I guess I would qualify today as 'not as depressed'. 
    Another happy note is that Trey will be back in 9 days! 
    Oh yeah... I wanted to clarify that me being more depressed recently isn't just because Trey is gone. I miss him, but when I'm feeling down I'm not just sitting here like damn, my life is miserable without Trey. I will admit, he does make me really happy, he puts me in a good mood and makes me laugh. His cuddles make me feel special and I'm generally happy when I get to talk to him. 
    I'm also stuck at my house unless I'm at work. I had been spending a lot of time at the mall just hanging out around Build-A-Bear, but I began to feel in the way, plus the last two weeks, I've felt less social, more sulky. 
    It's not like there's a whole lot wrong with my house. Yeah, the food situation sort of sucks, but that's a small thing really. I don't like my older brother and his presence just bugs me.. He used to be really controlling of the house (like he'd turn your tv off or computer because he didn't like the show or he thought it was too loud or stuff like that) and he's not as bad now but still, it's like walking on egg shells around his ass. Connor can be obnoxious and though he's not having his little anger/rage fits as much as he used to (back like 3-4 years ago), he's still really loud and he likes to push buttons. With my parents... most of the time I'd rather be left alone. My Mom can be a nag sometimes and I feel like a burden and shit sometimes because of her. So we butt heads frequently. And my Dad.. he doesn't really do anything wrong. I just wish sometimes he'd not try talking with me- even small talk. I know, I sound like a horrible person. But sometimes I get in these moods where I just don't want any kind of interaction, like not even a hi. I can't help it.. it's like I'm drained and even the smallest amount of energy require to say "hi, I'm okay. You?" is exhausting. I realize how horrible I sound as I put this out and I should work on it... I just, sometimes existing is hard. 
    So yeah... I think that's one of the reasons I do better in the semester than the summer. Because in the school year, I'm getting up at 5am and out of the house a little after 6am and I go work out (with is a mood booster) and then I have classes and after that I usually go to Trey's, or if I do go home I'm given more space because it's known I have home work and then there's also work that takes up time and gets me out of the house, or I can go to the campus to study or something. 
    Anyways, I suppose I'll cut it off there. I just wanted to talk about today and explain that I'm not pathetic for feeling depressed recently... it's not just because my guy is gone over seas.. it's that, mixed in with other stuff too. 

June 19, 2013

  • Updating!! *Feelings, counseling, & meds*

    Okay, so this will not probably be a long post, but I'm going to try to stay on track.

    I mentioned a little bit ago that my counselor, Amy, at school thought I might be bipolar. 
    She wasn't certain, so she wanted me to meet with a LPC/APN (Tara) too, to get a second opinion. 
    Tara didn't think I was bipolar, but she agreed something was up. They talked more after I left, and now Amy agrees bipolar doesn't fit. 
    Tara did, however, think it'd be a good idea for me to go back on celexa (which I had started February 2012 [stopped taking for a little bit in June-July] and then was on it until mid-December 2012). When I stopped taking it last time, I was on 40mg; this time she would want to put me on 10mg. This was June 4th and I told her I would think about it. I really wanted to stay off of medication if possible. 
    Well, a week passed and I felt really down. I didn't do any of the homework Amy had assigned for me either. I felt unmotivated to do it or anything really. Even work had felt more draining (as opposed to energizing and spirit-lifting like usual). Right before we were supposed to meet last week, something came up in the office, and Amy had to reschedule our session for the upcoming week. (I normally see her weekly.) So yesterday I saw her and she asked about the homework. I explained why I hadn't done it the first week and offered that I did do the feeling check in the second week, despite still feeling really depressed and lethargic. 
    She said she thought it was a good idea for me to go back on celexa too. 
    I sort of wanted to so I'd feel better, but I also thought I'd feel better once Trey got back (not only because Trey would be back and he's a big part of my happiness, but because I'd be out of my house more. I don't like being stuck at my house so much). 
    I came home and skyped Trey for almost 2 and a half hours, which normally would make me super happy! [Actually, we instant messaged via skype because the calls keep getting dropped because of A) he has a crappy internet connection, B) his tablet, or C) Skype is sucking.] Anyways, the whole time I still felt really sad and would cry a little bit for no apparent reason. 
    After that I e-mailed Amy and told her I would go ahead and get back on it.. Though I didn't know if I needed to tell her or Tara. I didn't hear from her that day and around 9pm I just... I felt so empty. 
    I wasn't suicidal, like in the sense I wanted to do something to hurt or kill myself, but I had that feeling of just wanting the sadness and the pain to ceased. The fact that I was feeling that and I didn't have a specific cause for the feelings- nothing bad or depressing had happened- made me realize I definitely needed to start on the celexa again. 
    I went ahead and e-mail Tara too and she got back to me this morning asking where she should call the prescription in to. She responded back just recently and said she would have it called in tomorrow. 
    Also, Amy mentioned the possibility of me having "Impulse Control Disorder" NOS. She explained it, but rather than me trying to repeat that I'll just give a link.... http://www.minddisorders.com/Flu-Inv/Impulse-control-disorders.html ... I looked over a couple different google results and this site seemed the clearest and most helpful. It definitely sounds like it could fit me. NOS if you don't know means "not otherwise specified" meaning, I don't fit exactly into a specific category, but I have bits in pieces of lots of them. 
    With bipolar, I have the ups and downs and the flightiness a little; with borderline personality disorder- she can see some of the symptoms, but not enough to declare me BPD... so I don't. I kind of feel like an Easter basket full of problems. 
    Anyways, I should go to bed now. I plan to get up at 6:30am, go to the gym, get a good work out in, then shower off and have breakfast before I work 10-2pm. Then I'll try to talk with Trey (since 2pm here is 9pm there) before he goes to bed, and then I'll probably try to get my medicine. 
    Tomorrow also will be 9 days until he's back! Finally, in to the single digits.

  • Little but strong *pics*

    So @sf2slc (Sam) had requested to see a picture of me flexing, so I took some pictures yesterday at the gym...

     
    BAM! XP
    There's my calf.. 
    Thankfully, I don't believe anyone saw me taking pics lol
    I took this back at my house... you can see Lil Sergeant Scriffy on my bed xp
    Excuse my looking a little rough lol, that was after a two mile run and in the process of working my biceps, triceps, pecs, and back. (I also hadn't showered that morning since I planned to do it after my work-out.)
    I got a really good work out in and I can feel my arms and back a little. I almost wanted to go work out again today, but I figured I'd give myself a day to recover and then tomorrow morning I'll get up early and hit the gym before I go in to work at 10am. 
    I'll try to update soon. I was going to yesterday then I went off about Cara's retardedness and then I wasn't feeling up to much later so it never happened.