May 23, 2013

  • Salty snack help!

    So my counselor has asked me to find a snack I like that is salty. Like chips or salted nuts. I'm not big on chips, I'll eat tortilla chips at Mexican restaurants or occasionally at home, and buying things of nuts (I really like almonds and pistachios) can be semi-expensive. So I've come here for help!

    Give me your ideas for snacks that are salty (and preferably cheap!) lol.
    What is your favorite salty snack? 
    Basically the only time I consume moderate-high amounts of sodium is when I use condiments (mustard especially). And Asian foods with soy sauce. Hmm... if there was a cheap and good sushi place local I'd just go eat sushi with soy sauce as my snack lol :P But the good sushi around here is more of a special occasion/ once in a blue moon luxury xp. 
    And in case you're wondering why a counselor is suggesting this  (Cause truthfully it sounds a little strange), it's because bipolar disorder is normally treated with lithium carbonate (I think that's the name?) which is kind of like a salt and it helps the neurons in your brain and shit. Idk, I understand what the counselor said and it makes sense, I just can't repeat it back in a way that makes sense. Anyways, the sodium can help be calming and shizz xp 
    So tell me your favorite salty snacks, ideas for cheap salty snacks, even salty snacks you don't like, and feel free to REC in order to spread the word and get a better collection of ideas! :)

May 20, 2013

  • This is where my talent is! *video*

     

    This was from October 2012. I uploaded it on here but for some reason it was on private... so I'm time standing it and posting it now. 
    This is me at the cheer gym. I dragged Trey along so I could show off for him XP
    I do a round off, back handspring, full. The full (flip where I do a 360 twist), I actually have a double (720 degree twist while flipping). I haven't done it in a while and I hadn't tumble in at least a year or two when I took this video so I didn't attempt it yet, but I was to drag Trey to the gym sometime again and maybe work on getting it back too! I did it on the tumble track (like a trampoline, but it's a long strip so you can tumble on it and there are cushion-y mats at both ends so you can practice skills on to it). 
    Maybe if I'm lucky I can drag Trey to the gym before he leaves for Germany on the 28th. I like showing off and he thinks it's cool. I'd told him about my tumbling before, but this was the first time he'd ever seen it and he was MEGA IMPRESSED! Lol, he went home and was telling his Dad all about it and was like "She's really amazing!" Lol and he hasn't even seen the full extend of it! xp

May 18, 2013

  • I need to feel better right NEOW :/

    Woke up feeling fine this morning, now less than an hour before work, I'm beginning to feel ill. We're supposed to be super busy and short handed today so I'm just gonna have to suck it up and deal with it. To make it better, it's a seven hour shift. Usually the shifts are 4-5 hours (short, I know.. I guess that figure you can only handle being there surrounded by kids in small doses XP). I don't mind working longer, I've done 9 hour shifts before at a previous job, it'll just suck if I feel bad. I feel really warm and my head feels foggy and warm. My tummy is bugging me a little bit. 

    I don't know what it is. I had cereal this morning. The milk might have tasted a little strange.. but I didn't pay it much attention so it couldn't be too bad. And I started a cup of coffee but it tastes gross to me today. I don't think there's anything wrong with the coffee per se, but my taste buds are off today. 
    I took some pepto and tums which will hopefully help my tummy from feeling any worse. 
    Oh, and there's a chance I close too which means i'd work 11am-9:30pm. The managers think Tevin isn't going to show up tonight and he closes. Last Saturday he called in that day saying he had something to do with his school and couldn't come (which would've been okay if he'd told them two weeks in advanced or even as soon as he knew, but not the day of) and apparently he didn't make another shift before that. So we'll see. I'd love the extra hours, but right now I'm not sure how I'll be feeling. 
    I just hope it's better. 
    I originally just started this as a pulse and it was going to be a little too long. Like the first two sentences of this was all it was going to be. Now I'm just blabbering and stuff. So I'mma get off and hope in the next 30 minutes I make a remarkable recovery. :/

May 16, 2013

  • Go home Reilly, you're drunk

    Yeah, so honestly, I'm either tipsy or drunk now. I drank half a coffee ale and  had a bitburger and now I'm splitting one with Trey. I don't know what percentage bitburger is but the coffee ale was 9.something percent and I had half of it. I on;y get to drink on nights when I'm able to spend the night with Trey... tonight happens to be one of those nights... 

    I came on with an idea or an attention of writing about a specific topic, if only i could remember...
    /I might remember it.
    This is the point where I ought to stop drinking because I feel it but Trey is gamin and he doesn't normally allow me to drink this much so oh well.  
    I had counseling Wednesday. What I got from it was basically I was sexually abused (that's the not the topic or reason for counseling but it came up), I was just cohersed. So I wasn't forced or sexually abuse, simply,  i was convinced to do what i didn't want to do and because they age difference just happened to be 14 and 18 instead of 14 and 17, i was able to file charges later. So hey, good news, I wasn't molested and in an abusive relationship, i was just a promiscuous, slutty 14 year old whore!! No worries here, the fact that he was a manipulative bastard doesn't' matter . I was just a whore and experimental. Now I'm the cohersive whore in the relationship and the terrible person. 
    Holy shit, I have uber bad hiccups! I thought it was just a joke that u hiccup when drunk XP
    SO for the last two days I've been upset because of counseling Wednesday morning and it's sucked. 
    i just wanna go for a long stroll but I'm only 20 so I can't because legally I can't drink anything so if a police noticed i'd be screwed. at least I'm with Trey tonight. I just wanna not feel like a whore.
    What if I was. maybe i made the whole "abusive relationship up" and used it as an excuse to cover my whore-ness. Anyways... I'm drunk/tipsy/ I'mma try to fix my typos and then convince Trey to lay with my (once I've finished the rest of my beer) because I'm feeling it. 
    I just wanna be loved.

  • The "Bad News" I got last week

    I wasn't accepted into the program I applied to at UAMS. It was a Diagnostic Medical Sonography (ultrasound in peoples terms) program. There were four groups, 1) accepted, 2) accepted as long as you finish the pre-recs before fall 2013, 3) not accepted, but not rejected... basically a fall back if someone who was accepted does not go through with it, and 4) rejected. 

    I was simply rejected :/ That was the bad news I got last Wednesday that I wasn't quite ready to share and that made me feel like I'd put all my eggs in one basket and then face planted down a hill... 
    I have no back up plan so I was like FUCK! On Friday I went by the advising office at school and found a website (bls.gov) that tells about different careers and careers similar to them. I found some other options to look into. This time I will know I need to call the program direct and ask questions like how many people do you accept into your program, how many tend to apply (Sonography had 80 people apply this year and they only accept 12 in LR and 3 in Texarkana.. so not great odds.), what GPA is considered competitive, and what it the lowest GPA that tends to get accepted, is there addition requirements (such as volunteering), prerequisite requirements, etc. 
    I also called the program director from the DMS program and asked what the lowest GPA that got accept was. She said a ballpark estimate was GPA, but location and if you've completed all pre-recs factor in too. Next spring I will have all my stuff completed since all I needed was World Literature and I finished that this spring, and she said the lowest GPA is usually, a 3.6 and I have a 3.45, so I'm thinking about putting my scholarship on hold for a year (which is the most I can do without losing it) and retaking Physics, which is my only C. It was like a 79 too :/ I have 9 A's and 6 B's I believe, and that 1 C. My scholarship requires I take 15 hours a semester( and keep a 2.5 GPA) and it only counts if I haven't taken the class before. So if I wanna retake physics I'd have to put my scholarship on hold or take physics plus, 15 hours I haven't taken, which would be ridiculous and I'd be afraid that with 18 hours (even if 15 were fluff courses) that I wouldn't be able to focus on physics enough to improve it. So I'm thinking retake physics but also look into other possibilities too. 
    It had me really upset but I'm more okay now. Still bummed, but not as much. 
    I'm not used to rejected. I applied at Catfish City and was hired no problem, "applied" at Lemon and got hired without problem (of course lost job a month later because they got a liquor license and I was 15), applied at Cajun's at age 16 and got job without problem, I applied for UALR and got in easy-peasy, applied at Stein Mart and was accepted easily, applied at Build A Bear and got it easily, and I didn't even apply at the nursery, they came looking for me which led to me getting the job. So it's like, everything I've ever tried to get into has been easy... I'm not used to rejection :/ 
    I guess there's a first time for everything. 
    Anyways, I'mma tag those who commented when I first mentioned said bad news so they will know now... @RighteousBruin, @listenslikespring, @soltero_alma, @Wemustcreate, @Doubledb, @sf2slc :P

May 14, 2013

  • Two weeks til

    Trey leaves for Germany in exactly two weeks. He'll be there for a month studying abroad. It's required for him to complete his German major. He'll have two classes to take while he's there. He had to take a test (skype with a German who judged his speaking abilities) to figure out what group he'd be in. A1 is very beginner, A2 beginner but better, B1 is advance, B2 is even more advanced, C1 is expert, and C2 is even more expert lol. He tested into C1. 

    I'm going to miss the fuck out of him. He sold his laptop and got a desk top (super gamer desk top.. it's a beast), so it's not like he can bring that with him. I got him a tablet for Christmas which he installed skype on, so hopefully he can skype and email me. He most likely won't have cell service... it's just gonna be a long and depressing month for me. I'm happy for him and he's excited.. I just know it's gonna really suck for me :/

May 12, 2013

  • Yesterday

    Some of you may have noticed I didn’t do a real update yesterday like I said I would try to do. I pulsed saying that I was feeling down in the morning, but I’d try to when I got home from work. I got off work at 5:00 then killed 20 minutes just talking with Angie and Allie before heading home. I opened the front door and entered my house and *sniff sniff*…what the hell?! The house smelled weird. I checked the stove to make sure I hadn’t left it on from making eggs for lunch, but it wasn’t on. It kind of smelled like a zoo… I walked back to my room then decided to find Connor and Martin to see if they knew what it was. As soon as I stepped into the backyard,it hit me. My house REEKED of weed!!

    I just gave him this look for a minute before yelling at him for making the whole house stink!! He was like, it’s ‘cause we got some good stuff. I was livid! He explained that they didn’t smoke inside, they just walked in to get two chairs and some Styrofoam cups. I was like “I don’t care,it stinks in there! I don’t want to be in the house, breathing that crap into my system!” And he was like, it’s really not bad for you. And umm, I know you’re upset.. but, do you want a hit?  REALLY?! REALLY!?? I know you’re pissed the fuck off that I stunk the house up with something you hate, but do you want some?? I was enraged! I stormed back inside, frebreezed the fuck out of the house, pack some shit up, and went back to the mall to hang out at Build-A-Bear. I got there at 5:30 and stayed until about 8pm. It was good, I was able to vent  about that and then I just talked with Angie, Sarah Beth, and Allie. I helped them a little, but not too much since I wasn’t on the clock. It got busy for a little bit, where if it’d been just a little busier, Angie would’ve let me clock in and work even though I wasn’t in uniform lol. It was good. I might’ve stayed later, but I was getting hungry and tired, so I went home with fingers crossed it wouldn’t smell bad anymore. I could still smell it some, so I frebreezed again and then went to stay in my room (which thankfully, didn’t smell much because I’d left my door shut when I went to work).

    Now I’m at the nursery, and Connor’s in here talking to me and I wish he’d go away. I’ve tried telling him how stupid he’s being (smokes cigarettes and weed) but he doesn’t care. He’s like “we all have to die someday”and it’s not harmful and if I did get arrested I wouldn’t resist, I’d admit to it and allow them to search me… they like it better when you cooperate and I’d only run if I knew I could get away.. like if I was by the creek. *facepalm* I tried telling him he’d end up pepper-sprayed or tazed or with the dogs after him. I also explained that it could affect future jobs, but he’s like I don’t care, I want to be a musician. And if that doesn’t work out, then a minister or a farmer… How am I related to this idiot?

    Anyways, this post has basically become a rant about him.Once I’m home from the nursery, I’ll post it (no wifi here, I’m just typing it up on Word), and I’ll do the update I meant to do soon. Promise. 

  • 16 facts.. as requested by Lexie!

    I was tagged by Lexie (aka @listenslikespring) to post 16 random facts about myself... so I figured why not

    1. Apparently I might be bi-polar (type 2). After watching Girl Interrupted, I thought I might have Borderline Personality Disorder. Trey's commented before that he thinks I might be Manic Depressive (which is another name for bipolar). I looked both of them up and they're sort of similar. Anyways, my new counselor thinks I might be and she wants someone else to examine me to get a second opinion. She mentioned medication. We'll see. 
    2. I'm a people pleaser. Apparently, that can be good and bad. Bad because it sometimes means an underlining feeling of inadequacy and low self-worth. As my counselor said, subconsciously, you do everything you can so people will be happy and like/love you because you feel like just being yourself isn't enough. Or if I do all these special things and make everything perfect for someone, there's no way they can't love me. 
    That might be partially it, but I think it's also just that making people happy and putting smiles on their faces makes me feel happy and good. I like to little special things for people and surprising them. 
    3. I regret not trying to convincing Trey to elope with me January of 2012. We'd been engage for a few months and there was talk of him being deployed that March (when the wedding was still planned for May). I think we were still waiting to hear if it was official and then we'd probably try to set a date before he left (despite his parents thinking/acting like I was a gold digger). Then the deployment fell through and he (more so his parents actually) decided to postpone the wedding anyways. "Until we're more financially steady." I jokingly made a comment about it once in January, but I should have suggested it seriously. 
    4. I absolutely detest cigarettes! I'm pretty sure I'd be more pissed to find out Trey was smoking than to find out he did drugs (neither of which he ever would do because he doesn't like them and he's in the army and can't).
    5. I hate chocolate. Refuse to eat it and don't even want to be around it if it smells strongly (like when someone bakes brownies or chocolate cake and it fills the house, ugh).
    6. My self-esteem has been so long in the past that I've considered being a stripper or show-girl of some sort. This was back in the really bad times, after I'd gotten out of my relationship with Richard (the abusive-ex). I basically believed all I was good for was my body and nothing else. I didn't believe I was worth anything and I didn't believe I was smart or capable of making anything of my life, so I figured if it came down to it that could be what I did for a living. 
    7. I have two tattoos. One on my left wrist and one on my left shoulder blade. The wrist is an eating disorder recovery symbol and the shoulder blade says "Tomorrow Never Comes". Most people don't understand either because they aren't familiar with either. I've only come across one person who recognized and identified the recovery symbol. As for the shoulder blade, they don't understand the meaning. Basically, it means if you keep putting recovery or whatever you're trying to achieve off til tomorrow it's never going to happen. There is no tomorrow. It only happens when you decide to start today. 
    8. If I get another tattoo, it'll probably be on my ribs (the left side... I don't know why I seem to prefer the left lol). I was thinking about getting "Integrity" there, but ended up getting the shoulder blade tattoo with "Tomorrow Never Comes". Maybe one day I will get one of the ribs (though I don't know if it'll be "Integrity"), if I do I'm sure it'll hurt lol. We'll see.
    9. A lot of the time, my thoughts are rapid. I think that's why I talk so much. I talk a lot! Too much. I just think a lot.. and I feel the need, for some reason, to voice those thoughts. They judge around from idea to idea and babble on about unimportant things. Trey's learned how to tune it out sometimes, which just means I have to make sure he's really paying attention when I tell him stuff that's important. 
    10. I used to want a dog, but after living with Trey and his family (his Mom has three big dogs and his sis now has a little dog), I never want to ever have a dog. Nor live around dogs. They bark constantly at nothing (especially in the night), the shed like crazy, they're annoying and constantly beg for your food, they get into everything and make messes, and they just get on my nerves big time! Nope, never having a dog.. ever. A cat, maybe. But never a dog. (And yes, I have a cat with Trey for a while at the apartment and I loved him. Then his roommate let him out while he was high and Trey was out of town (meaning I was at my house). So I do have experience with cats. 
    11. I love bananas and watermelon. I eat a banana with my cereal pretty much every morning. I can't remember the last time I didn't... And buy me a whole watermelon and I can go through it in 1-2 days xp. I like most other fruits too. Fruit's yummy
    12. I'm very hard-headed. One day, I ran eight miles straight (actually, it was in a circle around a track xp) in an hour and fifteen minutes, just to prove Trey wrong. Yep, I was proud of myself! xp LOL
    13. I don't really have any friends... I don't know why. I guess I'm kind of a weird, awkward person? I don't know. I have friends on here.. I just don't really have any in real life.
    14. Sometimes, I get really antsy. It's like super anxious and filled with energy. If I go run, it sometimes helps. Bouncing my leg while sitting helps a little, or just spazzing/shaking my hands/arms around helps some. It just feels like I'm a carbonated drink and someone shook the Hell out of me. It happens randomly and I can't control it sometimes. 
    15. I don't like secrets. I'm a nose-y person. I want to know everything, even though sometimes that hurts more. I like knowing everything that's going on, but especially with those I love. Part of it's being nose-y, and the other part is I like knowing they're okay.. that way I know if I should worry or not. 
    16. I've gone from feeling depressed this morning for no reason, to being in a better mood but stressed, to being calmer, to being enraged, to having a blast, to feeling a little sad, then becoming more neutral/emotion less, then being excited, and now feeling sad again. Is this normal? Cause a lot of the time, this is a typical day for me. As Trey puts it sometimes, I'm a roller-coaster. I worry that one day, everyone in my life is going to want off the ride. Because roller-coasters and rides are fun for a little bit, but after a while, you're tired and you've lost interest. 
    The fair's fun, but there's a reason it only comes around once a year... there's only so much a person can handle. :/

May 8, 2013

  • Little update

    So let's see. I'm seeing a counselor now. I've seen her three times. First time she just went over the survey thing I had to fill out and asked questions. Second time she told me she thinks I'm bipolar type 2. She's gonna have someone else check me out to confirm it though, but she forgot to get in contact with her last week. And this week she told me I have a -need-to-help-inclination. I'm a people pleaser and stuff. 

    School's almost over. I have three more finals. I ended Music with an 88.8%... -.- If I'd gotten one more biography or definition question right on the test, I would've had a 89.8 and he would've rounded up for me since I never missed a single class, I took all the quizzes, attended both concerts, and took the survey... but nope.. It's a B.

    I had my world lit final today and I think I beasted it. I made a 95 on my essay! So World Lit is a guaranteed A.

    I have my Ethics final tomorrow which I think I have down. I made a 95 on the midterm and A's on all three papers, so it's looking good. 

    I have a 95% in social psychology so far (82 on test 1, 94 on test 2, 95 on test 3, and a 94 on my essay) Not to mention I got 3 points for doing extra credit on audio-visual day and I go 12 points for being there for every bonus point day. So that's looking promising. 
    Then I have to turn in my ASL expressive video on Friday which I think I have down. And take the final which shouldn't be too hard. I have a 97 on test 1 and a 90 on test 2. 
    Build-A-Bear is going really well. I'm getting a few more hours now and once summer comes, business should really pick up and I'll get even more hours. Yay... since I'm not doing anything else this summer. I finally got trained on the cash register/check out yesterday. I kind of knew how to do it, but the computer had my user locked out so I couldn't log on to ring under my name. After a couple weeks and a lot of hassle, they finally got it resolved! So I rang people up for the first time yesterday. It was scary at first, but I got the hang out it. 
    I hadn't gotten to spend time with Trey since Saturday because my work schedule and his being busy or conflicting (and we normally see each other 5-6 times a week). So I was happy I got to come over today after counseling. Though the traffic over put me in a bad mood. A trip that should take 15-20 minutes took an hour!! Freakin' sucked. 
    Then I got bad news once I got here which I'm not ready to come out about.. I'll do it soon. 
    So now Trey's gaming and I'm doing this and studying for tomorrow's exam while drinking a pina colada. He already finished his, but I was waiting for my tummy to digest more. I'mma go back to drinking it and studying now... later. 

May 6, 2013

  • So after aborting a baby at 18, you get knocked up again barely two months later by someone you just started seeing. 

    This time you keep the baby. 
    Baby Daddy is immature (like all the guys you're attracted to) and would rather date a high schooler so he's not going to be part of it's life.
    You don't want him to be either, so you won't be collecting child support (so he won't have rights to her).
    You're still living at your parents house even though your Mom has said there's no way in hell you're bringing a baby in that house.
    Instead of getting a place, you go and buy a car WHEN you don't have a drivers license (19 now, btw).
    Yeah, you're working two jobs... but that's because you got yourself in this situation so stop acting like you're a saint. 
    You had to repeat 9th grade 3 times then dropped out and got a GED later on. 
    Now you're in your third trimester and looking at colleges?!
    Who's going to watch the baby girl when you're at school. And when you're at work? 
    I understand it's possible to work and go to school at the same time, but juggling a new born in there with NO FATHER... ummm, your Mom and Dad work full time. They can't watch it. The Dad won't be watching it (because said high schooler GF is pyscho [seriously.. she killed baby blue bird eggs just for laughs! 0.0]) and day care is expensive (along with school being expensive!)
    What the Hell?! I feel sorry for this poor baby because it's being brought into a house with two smokers (who I know will not quit smoking when she comes), four dogs (three of which are huge and can be aggressive/rough), and the house is covered in dog hair and dust because the air filters don't work and no one cleans around there. 
    I really don't like the girl, but I feel bad for the baby. She didn't ask to be born and she had no control who she was born to. 
    It just angers me... Anyways, this was the only safe place to vent because people on facebook would know who I was talking about. Anyways.. that's all.